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Trying to date a male with autism & dyspraxia

Slayer87

Hello, I'm trying to better understand a situation that I have recently encountered with a man I'm trying to date who is late 30s with autism and dyspraxia. I'm female and in my thirties too.

We've been seeing each other for a few months speaking daily, often long text or phone conversations, kissed etc and have expressed well that we like each other. For the first time recently I came to his place and we connected intimately, all was fine. After I left he didn't contact me for a few days and when I queried it, he mentioned that he thought I would message him and was waiting for that. After that there was more silence in which he said that he was taking some time out as he had been very stressed with work and not overly happy recently as a result of the stress, heading for a deep low. After that more silence, in which I messaged again with no response. I felt honestly like I have been ghosted and just said I wouldn't bother him again and that I wished him well - to me this was saying goodbye but I appreciate that it wasn't direct. I was very hurt by this behaviour and didn't really understand. Several days later, I received a subsequent call (which I missed) and messages just saying thank you for being kind, that I could probably see why he was single as he struggled with people coming into his personal space and emotions regarding work, deep lows, stress etc. I responded just saying I was surprised to hear from him and didn't understand the situation but since then silence. I'm really not sure what has happened and why, I oddly feel like this was triggered by me coming to his house and presume that this has now ended things between us.

I have often found his behaviour difficult to understand. Need to recharge/be alone (not speak), making plans to see me but not following up, he has an insanely stressful job that requires a vast amount of hours. But equally has always said that he wanted to focus on really liking me over anything physical, spoken to family and friends about me, said that he hoped to have a family etc.

I can't figure out whether this ending is the usual dating rubbish of ghosting or whether I have missed something?

Any ideas please?

Parents

  • I used to do a very stressful job with long hours. There is a drive to focus on work and autism makes you single minded so that other things are blocked out.

    I struggled to do anything much in the evening, just rest or maybe have a beer or two to relax and slow my mind.

    But I would have been able to text or have a call.

    I might have avoided too many calls or them being long as miscommunications becomes easy and more common. I'd sometimes say the wrong thing.

    I got depressed due to the stress which can cause dysfunctional thinking and over interpretation. I'd be confused but not know what to say. I'd mask as well.

    I do think he is being avoidant though. Not following up on plans does not sound right.

    If you are interested still, I'd suggest a face to face meeting and to be clear what you expect. Rules are very helpful. Then he has a choice to make and you know where you stand.

Reply

  • I used to do a very stressful job with long hours. There is a drive to focus on work and autism makes you single minded so that other things are blocked out.

    I struggled to do anything much in the evening, just rest or maybe have a beer or two to relax and slow my mind.

    But I would have been able to text or have a call.

    I might have avoided too many calls or them being long as miscommunications becomes easy and more common. I'd sometimes say the wrong thing.

    I got depressed due to the stress which can cause dysfunctional thinking and over interpretation. I'd be confused but not know what to say. I'd mask as well.

    I do think he is being avoidant though. Not following up on plans does not sound right.

    If you are interested still, I'd suggest a face to face meeting and to be clear what you expect. Rules are very helpful. Then he has a choice to make and you know where you stand.

Children
  • in reply to Stuart333

    Thank you Stuart333 for the response, really appreciate it! I think the dyspraxia plays a part in being able to organise stuff and follow through a bit. From what I've read it sounds like when an autistic person is overwhelmed with feelings or stressed, needs to recharge etc and is citing a deep low and shutdown that you were just supposed to say that you're there for them when they're ready (which I have done)? I initially tried suggesting a call but given he said he struggles with personal space and emotions but he's ignored it. 

    I really can't tell whether this is just ghosting BS or whether this is someone with autism who has shutdown temporarily and will come back?