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Gaslighting

Chloe1980

What experience have you guys had of gaslighting? So I think my husband has been gaslighting me, it’s pretty obvious to me now I know I’m autistic but I questioned it for years , now I’m unmasking I confront him on it, it happens about twice a day he will say something , usually hurtful but not obviously so then later when I’ve absorbed it he says no I didn’t say that , when did I say it? And get loud and upset. I have been pushing it more and not accepting it like I used to then he says he does t remember saying it and says why would I say that? And I say I don’t kniw, you tell me? For years I thought I was crazy but I’m not he says these things. Oh and also sometimes he admits to saying the thing but now he knows I’m autistic he says ive taken it the wrong way, so it a mix of all that.

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  • Chloe1980 said:
    he will say something , usually hurtful but not obviously so then later when I’ve absorbed it he says no I didn’t say that , when did I say it? And get loud and upset.

    I often find it impossible to recall what I said 10 minutes before nevermind half a day or whatever - my short term memory buffer for stuff is poor for things that are not meaningful to me.

    Have you changed in your sensitivity and response to the things he says? I mean if he said the same things pre-diagnosis would you have the same response? From what you described he is being the same as he has always been but now you have become much more emotionaly volatile.

    I understand where you are coming from but it may help to consider that he may have trouble changing to adapt to the new, highly volatile you.

    It may help to get some couples counselling with a therapist who understands the dynamics of a NT/ND relationship.

    TheCatWoman said:
    It sounds like a total power play

    If it is done intentionally then yes, but do you think you could be seeing this through the filter of your past traumas? We only know one side of this story.

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  • Chloe1980 said:
    he will say something , usually hurtful but not obviously so then later when I’ve absorbed it he says no I didn’t say that , when did I say it? And get loud and upset.

    I often find it impossible to recall what I said 10 minutes before nevermind half a day or whatever - my short term memory buffer for stuff is poor for things that are not meaningful to me.

    Have you changed in your sensitivity and response to the things he says? I mean if he said the same things pre-diagnosis would you have the same response? From what you described he is being the same as he has always been but now you have become much more emotionaly volatile.

    I understand where you are coming from but it may help to consider that he may have trouble changing to adapt to the new, highly volatile you.

    It may help to get some couples counselling with a therapist who understands the dynamics of a NT/ND relationship.

    TheCatWoman said:
    It sounds like a total power play

    If it is done intentionally then yes, but do you think you could be seeing this through the filter of your past traumas? We only know one side of this story.

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