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I hate being autistic

Kvothe

I hate being autistic..

Being a level 2 autistic it sucks knowing you are different and the world will never accept you. If i could get a lobotomy i would. It sucks knowing that you are this way but cannot change it.

Add to that the pressure from society that has turned against disabled people and its just unbearable. Just something simple like human interaction and relationships are so much harder when autistic. I am in my 40s now and worry about pensions, being alone (though being with someone intimately terrifies me) I dont get social cues from people and the opposite sex.

I have been thinking recently that the assisted dying bill is a good thing and that it should be expanded to those with conditions that cant be changed and cause unnecessary pain and suffering.

I have more to write i am sure but my autistic brain has done its thing and given me a mind blank so cant think straight..

Anyone else hate autism?

Parents

  • I’m sorry that you feel this way. As our autistic traits are a part of who we are consequently to hate your autism is a form of self hatred - and self hatred is something that can only lead to more unhappiness and problems in your life. 
    When our autistic traits are making life feel so hard and exhausting it’s not surprising that we can start feeling the way you do at the moment. However with time and effort we can work at improving our state of mind and our attitudes to ourselves and the way our autistic traits shape our lives. This really is possible. The fact that you are considering it better to die clearly points to clinical depression - and depression can be treated with things like CBT and mindfulness. There really is hope - so don’t give up on life. Things really can change for the better. 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    CBT did not work for me i had it numerous times and its the only available therapy in my area, mindfulness helps a little.

    The autism has ruined my life from day one, the problem i had in the 90s was it wasnt diagnosed so i kept having meltdowns and got no help. 

    I just wish i was normal so i can get my life in order before its too late..  

    not understanding human connection and normal humans is the worst i just dont get how they interact on a basic level and intimately 

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  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    CBT did not work for me i had it numerous times and its the only available therapy in my area, mindfulness helps a little.

    The autism has ruined my life from day one, the problem i had in the 90s was it wasnt diagnosed so i kept having meltdowns and got no help. 

    I just wish i was normal so i can get my life in order before its too late..  

    not understanding human connection and normal humans is the worst i just dont get how they interact on a basic level and intimately 

Children
  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I finished a course of CBT this year but this was before I had my diagnosis. I did explain to the practitioner that I suspected I was autistic and wasn’t sure if the self help therapy they did would be able to work constructively with the way that I think. 

  • in reply to TheCatWoman
    TheCatWoman said:
    Did anyone get a diagnosis in the 90's?

    Autism was only added to the DSM in the 1980s with it focussing on childhoold autism. In 1994 Aspergers Syndrome was added to the DSM which accounts for most adult diagnoses of the time.

    The diagnostic process would be in its infancy in the 80s and 90s and the numbers of diagnosed patients incredibly small initially and the medical world had a long, slow training curve in learning what the criteria were for suspected cases.

    source - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_autism 

    The real growth in diagnoses only really happened with the internet age and accessability to knowledge about the traits and options for assessments.

    We are still in a backlog situation with the assessments and I suspect this will take up to a decade to work its way through the the present and future adult assessments to get to the point where they can focus on catching it at school age.

  • in reply to Kvothe

    CBT dosen't seem to help a lot of ND people.

    I've always felt that I've been playing at being intimate, I have to conciously remember what to do, now I don't bother, it's more hassle than its worth.

    Did anyone get a diagnosis in the 90's? I think the criteria have changed a lot since then, become wider as before they were far to narrow.

    There's an article in today Guardian newspaper by Gina Rippon on why the increase in diagnosis is a good thing as to many people were being missed.