What do you live for?

Oh I live riding my bike and also don’t do it very often! I do struggle with burnout, I have phases of coping with it and not, and at the moment I am in a clinging on phase, I do have to rest in between work days otherwise I spend a lot of time crying in the cupboard. But also when I put that uniform on it is a mask to who I really am as people know how a nurse should be and I can do that. I’m a children’s nurse and it does bring me so much joy. 

It never occurs to me that I need a reason to live for, I mostly enjoy my life and live it for me, not for others.

That’s great, I’m trying to spend time with nature a bit now, when I go bike riding. That’s helped so far. 

ArchaeC said:

Somehow it makes me feel small and insignificant, but at the same time I am a created part of our world and part of the cosmic order. Spending time with this thought makes personal troubles feel smaller.

Nice, this is something I’m trying to spend time with recently, especially with a catastrophising mind. I have an intense inner pressure to contribute something significant to the world or I am nothing. The small and insignificant part is a scary thing to face, but it’s humbling.

ArchaeC said:

Seeking meaning in life seems to be a common issue that psychotherapists and counsellors deal with. 

I have an appointment with a counselor next week, so going to try this. Got it through my work place, because otherwise the NHS counselling waiting list is far too long I hear

going off things I get scared of. especially I think of people that know me for that thing, and how I would be able to interact with them if I said “nah, doesn’t interest me anymore”

I think the “should be” feeling is people pleasing tendencies, and wanting to keep up as an “adult”, and also be able to feel I have an opinion to share, rather than nothing at all. “X needs to mean something to me” but really it actually doesn’t, and I don’t know what it means to me, besides what I’ve observed it means to others.

I love that you have a great connection to your family! I feel as if I’ve taken my family a little bit for granted (I do love my family!), and after having to come out of my “daydream fantasy world in my head”, I’m coming more to try and connect with them more. I feel bad for not being as connected, but it’s because I run away with my own head so often I forget to connect.

I think it wasn’t an event that started this, but I realised I made a lot of decisions in my life without really thinking about long term. Just one thing to the next. Which morphed into “I have to do this to show I’m an adult and that I’m coping, and understand and cater for everyone’s emotions” , with a constant undercurrent of “I need to do something that impacts the world and is huge” - and this year I just crashed. The thought of not knowing where I want to go in life and fear of wasting my 20s has really frightened me, and now sitting with it and having to make a decision that is not based on pleasing people is what scares me.

i don’t think I can go back, but I know I can try to make small decisions that help. Calling friends for short chats more often, and going out on bike rides to sit with my thoughts, that’s helped a little.

I love this! Sometimes I wish I had an animal pet that I could spend time with. No social rules to worry about!

Thanks for sharing about the job, I wanted to ask , but you don’t have to answer, how do you enjoy your job without that sense of burning out? I want to feel that same thing as well when I work.

Thank you for sharing this!! My thing I’m starting recently is bike riding. I just go out on a spontaneous bike ride. No plan of route, and at the moment, it’s the main thing keeping me grounded. I haven’t gone in more than a decade, but pumping up my old bike and then heading out has been something that does feel like something that gives me some joy.

I relate to the not letting people down. I realised that under my decision making, this was the root of my decision making. Also can relate to finding life too serious too. I’m trying to find something at the moment that I can do that is fun but isn’t about pleasing someone. At the moment it’s a solo bike ride.

Do you mind me asking what your idealized life would be?

I relate to the people pleasing so much. So much so that now I’m facing myself recently, I’m left with the question of “who am I without that”. It’s a pretty scary thing haha. Especially when I think that’s a big thing that I lived for.

I like the sound of the hope that you say you have. And the pursuit of your project. That sounds fun, I do hope I can find something like that, to get my teeth into. And the hope of despite not being in contact with your son. Thank you for sharing this :)

I suppose I live in hope, the Captain Tom motto normally comes into my mind,”tomorrow will be a better day.” I would love to see my Classic Mini project completed or at least started. I love the research and chase of finding a rare part for it.
I’ve always been a ‘people pleaser,’ I know that must stop, putting it into practice is another thing.

One of my hopes is that my eldest son would have contact with me it’s  been over two years now, it keeps me going hoping a resolve can be found. 

Brilliant!

For most of my life it has been not wanting to let other people down. I do stuff because I am expected to and out of a sense of duty.

I also wanted to have  money so I could live some idealised life that I can't achieve. I thought it was possible and I could have done better if I was not on my own. I have money but don't want to spend it.

I don't know what I want. Life has been too serious. I avoid most things that would be fun.

My challenge at the moment is to find something more meaningful that will keep me going.

Hi, well the things that keep me going are my family, I have 2 nearly adult children. My job, I love to be a nurse, it’s when I put on my uniform that I feel most comfortable with that part of who I am. I love horses and spending time with them makes me so happy. I also spend many hours knitting and this sadly is probably the thing that really keeps me going. I make clothes for myself (when things fit perfectly because you made them yourself in the colours you chose, it’s amazing feeling). 
I do think social media is draining. I spend time in it connecting with people like me but also realise it wastes hours of my life.  Can you try out a new hobby or activity? Spending time in a large craft store is probably my favourite shopping trip, you might find something that starts the ‘thing’ you are craving. 

I live to one day have peace and be in an environment that I control without having to slip away to another area to avoid being triggered. 
My special interests at this time are not serving me which makes me worry a lot as I have never lacked enthusiasm when it comes to spending time doing them, that leaves me a bit empty tbh so I understand your feelings you mention.

My work which is an interest in itself has also lost its appeal and I am really finding it difficult to motivate myself, this is difficult when you work alone but maybe I just need to not be motivated for a while? 

My mum and dad give me joy, I love them dearly and speak to them or visit them most days. I am very fortunate to have such fantastic parents and although I worry about them it brings me joy to see them go out with friends, go on holidays and generally have a good social life. 

My two boys give me something to live for. I have not been that good at taking them out just lately as I have been unwell and not been too great mentally. I plan to change that now that I’m starting to feel better. 

Is there an event that you think might have started this? Are you able to go back to when things were easier and identify the transition to where you are now? 

I knew a man who called the misuse of the word should, “hardening of the oughteries”.

Should and ought are two of the most self destructive words in the English language. Maybe instead of telling yourself that you should be feeling, you could ask yourself why it matters and what are you actually feeling instead of what you think you should be feeling.

I think we go off things, things that used to make us happy no longer do, other things come along to take thier place.

I think having a social media detox is a good idea, there's an overwhelming amount of stuff out there, far too much when ones in a bit of a transition period.

Going for a walk in nature or by the sea everyday is a must for me. I try to be mindful and observe the beauty of things like the patterns on tree bark and leaves, wildlife, and the colours of the sky. Mindfulness has definitely helped me “stay in the moment”. I also spend time marvelling at the size of our planet and its place in the universe. Somehow it makes me feel small and insignificant, but at the same time I am a created part of our world and part of the cosmic order. Spending time with this thought makes personal troubles feel smaller. 

I also derive meaning from volunteering, reading and spending time researching my interests.

If the demands you place on yourself to feel a certain way are becoming too much, you could consider making an appointment with your GP to discuss what help might be available, eg counselling. 

Seeking meaning in life seems to be a common issue that psychotherapists and counsellors deal with.