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Feeling burntout...

lina-chan

Sorry in advance if this doesn't make sense as at times, I am not good at explaining stuff.

I currently work full time (36 hours) as a receptionist for a local council and have been at my job for nearly 2 years. I left my part time job as an admin assistant mainly because of poor management, low pay and lack of progression. I don't want to go into detail but there were too many dodgy practices and my ex-managers stressed me out to the point where I was depressed which just piled on (as during this time I had to deal with bereavement). Lately, I have felt so tired that the energy just drains out of me very fast. The monotony of office work has been doing my head in and as of now I have had almost a week off sick because I feel faint and also because I just feel so low to the point where I cannot concentrate. I feel like a failure because I am not functioning the way I am supposed to and it is making me upset to the point where I feel I am disappointing people around me.

I have held down jobs for 5 years now - it isn't to say I don't want work, my problem is I am in a job where I just feel caged like a canary; sitting on a desk 5 days a week and having to constantly be around people - I am putting on a cheery customer service mask and I hate it because I feel like a shell of myself. I notice aswell that my 1 hrs commute also wipes me out and I feel I am near breaking point and can't continue anymore. What I would like to do is utilise my other skills in art and also life experiences with autism in a job that feels fulfilling as I've always been a creative individual. I have considered a few options:

  • Becoming an art therapist who specialises in autism
  • Becoming a mentor/life coach for autistic young people
  • Working towards self employment and using my previous experience in recruitment so I can have a consultancy of some sort - again specialising in working with autistic people

The reason for these particular paths is because I want to use my experiences to try to support autistic people in some way especially relating to work as I feel support is heavily lacking - I am in the process of contributing to neurodiversity training and have a 25 minute Zoom call in 2 weeks to discuss if a neurodiversity course is right for me as I have been researching courses to study. My degree is art based but I feel like I can't get jobs in the field as unfortunately they don't pay well and that is why I force myself to stick it out in admin because that is about 70% of my work history. The only way I can potentially tolerate admin is if I can work somewhere which gives me more time off like in a school or work from home a few days a week - to note I am also looking for another job now and have submitted a few applications so waiting to see if I get any interviews. I have had 2 interviews before but didn't get the roles (one was a humiliating group interview and I was never told in advance this was the type of interview).

I feel depressed aswell and sometimes question if I can get out of this rut. I have the motivation to do it but sometimes the self doubt comes in and I feel I will be stuck in admin jobs forever. I don't know if anyone else has felt this way about work but honestly I am so done. I just feel done. I am actually crying as I write because this is how I feel.

  • in reply to Bunny

    Thanks for the resources, I will have a look at these later to see if anything helps me

  • in reply to profdanger
    1. Thanks for the reply - re: employment specialists, although I don't like masking in a sense I have been used to it as I have worked in offices for a while. That and part of my previous responsibility in recruitment involved talking to UC claimants in a job fair when advertising roles. Although I get nervous in new situations, I have noticed that once I am in my element I can thrive - it's just at the moment being a receptionist feels like being a glorified secretary (not to judge anyone who works in this role, I think it is more of a sense of people expecting so much and being afraid that I can't deliver even though I know I can if I make sense)
    2. But yes, I really need some sort of change because at this point a part of me is close to handing in my notice NGL. I think the only reason I haven't is because 1, I need income and 2, finding a job nowadays is hard and even more so if you are out of employment.

  • It sounds as though a change might be good, for sure. Art therapy sounds amazing (My daughter and I both have gone through it) as an occupation for Autistic people, but your second/third options sound a lot like what I’ve done.

    I’m an employment specialist for people with disabilities. I’m in the US, so I work under a State-run service called Vocational Rehabilitation. I have no idea if they have services like that in the UK, but if they do then it sounds like it’d be a great fit for you.

    The best part about my work is that I don’t have to mask quite as much, since most of my colleagues and clients are used to being around people with disabilities anyways. I choose my own work schedule (though I do have to meet certain goals, like meeting with some clients daily or weekly). I have an office I can escape to and destress in. I get to use my experiences in a variety of jobs and as a person with a disability to good use. I generally feel like I’ve made a difference every day.

    Some negatives you should be aware of, though:
    1. I have to make lots of cold calls and drop ins with potential employers. This requires a great deal of masking.
    2. Sometimes clients behave in ways that are unexpected, which can cause some stress.
    3. For me, I have to drive a lot to pick up clients or meet with potential employers, so if you don’t enjoy driving that could be a problem.

    If you have any questions, feel free to let me know.

  • I'm sorry to hear of your struggles; I suggest contacting your GP for support.

    Alongside that, you might find these NAS resources helpful, including the strategies suggested in the first one:

    NAS - Autistic fatigue and burnout

    NAS - Depression

    There's also some great (free) advice here from Dr Megan Neff - a neurodivergent author (who's also a clinician and advocate):

    Autistic Burnout Recovery: How to Build a Recovery Plan

    This new book of hers covers the subject in much greater detail, whilst remaining very user-friendly (including lots of diagrams and worksheets, for example):

    The Autistic Burnout Workbook: Your Guide to Your Personal Recovery Plan

    In respect of your work situation and future options, you might find some of the advice in the Employment section of the NAS's resources helpful. For example, they include:

    NAS - How can I find a job that’s right for me?