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Feeling burntout...

lina-chan

Sorry in advance if this doesn't make sense as at times, I am not good at explaining stuff.

I currently work full time (36 hours) as a receptionist for a local council and have been at my job for nearly 2 years. I left my part time job as an admin assistant mainly because of poor management, low pay and lack of progression. I don't want to go into detail but there were too many dodgy practices and my ex-managers stressed me out to the point where I was depressed which just piled on (as during this time I had to deal with bereavement). Lately, I have felt so tired that the energy just drains out of me very fast. The monotony of office work has been doing my head in and as of now I have had almost a week off sick because I feel faint and also because I just feel so low to the point where I cannot concentrate. I feel like a failure because I am not functioning the way I am supposed to and it is making me upset to the point where I feel I am disappointing people around me.

I have held down jobs for 5 years now - it isn't to say I don't want work, my problem is I am in a job where I just feel caged like a canary; sitting on a desk 5 days a week and having to constantly be around people - I am putting on a cheery customer service mask and I hate it because I feel like a shell of myself. I notice aswell that my 1 hrs commute also wipes me out and I feel I am near breaking point and can't continue anymore. What I would like to do is utilise my other skills in art and also life experiences with autism in a job that feels fulfilling as I've always been a creative individual. I have considered a few options:

  • Becoming an art therapist who specialises in autism
  • Becoming a mentor/life coach for autistic young people
  • Working towards self employment and using my previous experience in recruitment so I can have a consultancy of some sort - again specialising in working with autistic people

The reason for these particular paths is because I want to use my experiences to try to support autistic people in some way especially relating to work as I feel support is heavily lacking - I am in the process of contributing to neurodiversity training and have a 25 minute Zoom call in 2 weeks to discuss if a neurodiversity course is right for me as I have been researching courses to study. My degree is art based but I feel like I can't get jobs in the field as unfortunately they don't pay well and that is why I force myself to stick it out in admin because that is about 70% of my work history. The only way I can potentially tolerate admin is if I can work somewhere which gives me more time off like in a school or work from home a few days a week - to note I am also looking for another job now and have submitted a few applications so waiting to see if I get any interviews. I have had 2 interviews before but didn't get the roles (one was a humiliating group interview and I was never told in advance this was the type of interview).

I feel depressed aswell and sometimes question if I can get out of this rut. I have the motivation to do it but sometimes the self doubt comes in and I feel I will be stuck in admin jobs forever. I don't know if anyone else has felt this way about work but honestly I am so done. I just feel done. I am actually crying as I write because this is how I feel.

Parents

  • It sounds as though a change might be good, for sure. Art therapy sounds amazing (My daughter and I both have gone through it) as an occupation for Autistic people, but your second/third options sound a lot like what I’ve done.

    I’m an employment specialist for people with disabilities. I’m in the US, so I work under a State-run service called Vocational Rehabilitation. I have no idea if they have services like that in the UK, but if they do then it sounds like it’d be a great fit for you.

    The best part about my work is that I don’t have to mask quite as much, since most of my colleagues and clients are used to being around people with disabilities anyways. I choose my own work schedule (though I do have to meet certain goals, like meeting with some clients daily or weekly). I have an office I can escape to and destress in. I get to use my experiences in a variety of jobs and as a person with a disability to good use. I generally feel like I’ve made a difference every day.

    Some negatives you should be aware of, though:
    1. I have to make lots of cold calls and drop ins with potential employers. This requires a great deal of masking.
    2. Sometimes clients behave in ways that are unexpected, which can cause some stress.
    3. For me, I have to drive a lot to pick up clients or meet with potential employers, so if you don’t enjoy driving that could be a problem.

    If you have any questions, feel free to let me know.

  • in reply to profdanger
    1. Thanks for the reply - re: employment specialists, although I don't like masking in a sense I have been used to it as I have worked in offices for a while. That and part of my previous responsibility in recruitment involved talking to UC claimants in a job fair when advertising roles. Although I get nervous in new situations, I have noticed that once I am in my element I can thrive - it's just at the moment being a receptionist feels like being a glorified secretary (not to judge anyone who works in this role, I think it is more of a sense of people expecting so much and being afraid that I can't deliver even though I know I can if I make sense)
    2. But yes, I really need some sort of change because at this point a part of me is close to handing in my notice NGL. I think the only reason I haven't is because 1, I need income and 2, finding a job nowadays is hard and even more so if you are out of employment.
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  • in reply to profdanger
    1. Thanks for the reply - re: employment specialists, although I don't like masking in a sense I have been used to it as I have worked in offices for a while. That and part of my previous responsibility in recruitment involved talking to UC claimants in a job fair when advertising roles. Although I get nervous in new situations, I have noticed that once I am in my element I can thrive - it's just at the moment being a receptionist feels like being a glorified secretary (not to judge anyone who works in this role, I think it is more of a sense of people expecting so much and being afraid that I can't deliver even though I know I can if I make sense)
    2. But yes, I really need some sort of change because at this point a part of me is close to handing in my notice NGL. I think the only reason I haven't is because 1, I need income and 2, finding a job nowadays is hard and even more so if you are out of employment.
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