Feeling family members who have Neurotypical child are saying their children are skilled in many areas, what can your Neurodiverse child do?

It rather sounds as though some of the other family members have approached describing their children as though they were some sort of fashion accessory about which to boast.  I am concerned that is a shaky foundation upon which, longer term, to securely build self-confidence within children as they move forward in their development).

The other adult relatives (apart from your parents) also do not seem very aware or knowledgeable of the range of capabilities and qualities of individual Autistic / Neurodivergent children and adults. 

Whereas, you and your parents are being true to observing, recognising and valuing your Son and then supporting him in celebrating his achievements and pursuing his dreams.  Children and adults progress through their lives at their own pace. 

I believe that wellbeing and secure development are often incompatible with artificial time pressures, undue stress and comparisons with other people.

I feel it reflects really poorly on those who ask questions such as "what can your Neurodiverse child do?".

Your Son is his own person - not an object of entertainment for those other people.

Your parents have described your Son is very bright and able. 

Sharing with your Son; how to explore different ways to learn to enjoy both familiar and new experiences - for his own entertainment - will more likely, in time,  become an integral and enduring part of his journey ...than prioritising impressing the social climbers in the wider family would actually fulfill his needs and interests.

You and your parents know your Son best of all.  Trusting your instincts on his behalf - until he has opportunities to start to do likewise himself, one topic at a time - that seems a worthwhile aim.

(Those other people will just have to learn to entertain themselves - as best they may - in their own strange bubble).

Yay, I can do that too!

I can bark and clap like a seal; is that good enough?

My autistic daughter, now adult, can play drums and guitar and is in a band that plays regular gigs. My ADHDer child plays drums and bass guitar, has designed sound for professional theatre productions, was on her college rowing team and paints and draws to a very high standard. Both my children gained first class degrees (chemistry and acoustic engineering, respectively).

Being neurodivergent is not a bar to acquiring skills and accomplishments. There are lots of talentless neurotypicals out there.

Sounds like your son is a budding musician, artist and writer, I wonder how many of your relatives are those things? People have such odd views about what an autistic person can and can't do, maybe thee are some thing's he'll struggle with, so what, everybody NT or ND has things they struggle with and things they're good at. Children develop at differnt rates, your son is 8 nearly 9, don't let others dishearten him and take away from the things he enjoys and is good at. 

I remember other mums at some playgroups I took my children too, some were really competitive and I thought why, why does it matter that your child has mastered using a spoon before mine, mine's walking before your's and that means what precisely? Sorry to say this, but it sounds like some weird kind of snobbery to me.

There's so much pressure on us as parents and as children, let him be the happy boy he sounds as though he is, at the end of the day being happy in yourself is far more important than going to a top university, or having a massively well paid job, letting him be a human being, not a human doing.

That's great, you have identified some excellent skills there. They may be different skills to his NT cousins, but they are still valid.

When people work together, it's useful to have people with different skills and ways of looking at things to get the best results.

Your son may reach certain "milestones" later than others his age, but just give him space, support and encouragement to develop at his own pace.

 Have you heard of the American autistic woman called Temple Grandin? Her development was slower than usual as a young child - she didn't speak until she was three and a half - but during her lifetime she has achieved amazing things:

https://www.templegrandin.com/

Being good at lots of things is ok, but being very good at one or two is better. If you can make a career of the those things you can do well. Do you want to be part of the pack or do you want to stand out.

A good memory is good for lots of jobs. 

Attention to detail, patterns and rules, and good memory is how I have made a living. Things like communications, software, quality, need this.

In a high-tech knowledge economy being able to stand out matters. 

Also encourage his music ability as an outlet.

I wouldn't worry. Besides, winning in life can be measured in many ways. Who knows what the future holds.

Thank you,, My Son is nearly nine.  He has a very good long term memory, he has a very good memory for stories, dialogue from his favourite TV shows and lyrics to his favourite songs and a very good sense of rhythm, his teacher says he has a talent for making patterns on the computer. 

Hi and welcome to the community.

It's difficult to advise as you don't say what age he is or what his skills and interests are. But to generalise, here are some qualities often seen in autistic children:

Good attention to detail - they may notice things others don't. This skill can help once they become adult with a career in music, cooking, programming and many more.

Good at noticing patterns - this can be useful for a career in data analysis or accounting

Highly focussed - this can allow them to become experts in their areas of interest.

Creative - they may be very good at art and crafting

Acceptance of others - those on the spectrum are usually very loyal to those they care about

Honesty and reliability - this can help them gain trust and respect from others.