Life keeps on complicating and adding more expectations

I felt like I coped a lot easier when I was younger before work became such a chore, unenjoyable and constantly changing. The pressures seem to keep going up and up with age. Society says I must continue to work regardless of how that impacts my mental health and sense of wellbeing and if you don’t work you are seen as lazy and or sponging off of the government and I understand money doesn’t grow on trees but shouldn’t life be enjoyable rather than deliberately putting yourself through uncomfortable situations over and over again. I think if you can find a job you really like that’s a blessing, it really is. I personally come back from work feeling drained, head spinning and all over the place with disorientation. I also feel like the more I do this the less mental and psychical energy I have for anything else. Doing longer shifts like 9-12 hours takes it out of me and it takes me days to recover. Being around people for hours on end and having to “sweat” it out because you feel like you should in some way at least project an expected version of yourself is exhausting. I’m not saying I want to rock back and fourth on my chair or spin around in circles but the intense feeling of just trying to keep it together is there. Every bone in my body is rejecting the environment and the people in it but that’s work apparently. Anyway, I like to vent sometimes, thanks for reading.

  • I felt like I coped a lot easier when I was younger before work became such a chore, unenjoyable and constantly changing

    This is a fairly classic, Western experience of life and responsibility I'm afraid.

    It certainly was for me and it took me a while to develop better coping skills, one of the most effective being the ability to compartmentalise work and home life so I could switch off after a long day and enjoy being home (hence time to recharge).

    I always go through a little mental routine going into and out of work to act as the transition so I am probably slipping on a mask of sorts to go into work and taking it off afterwards. Any decent therapist can teach you how to do this.

    Finding a job you like is a rarity to be honest - it took me 32 years to find one that suits me down to the ground and that is with me as my own boss.

    When I did have to go into a stressful workplace environment I would use a mix of mindfulness to work out if a situation really needed me to get stressed about it (eg if it was really urgent or not) and help me formulate an approach to deal with it. Meditation techniques helped me keep the stress in check when I had to turn it on or when I found others trying to make me share their disasters.

    Both mindfulness and meditation can be taught fairly easily but they require frequent application to get them honed to work well.

    There were times when I found it best to imagine being in a small boat being hurled about in a storm as that reflected the reality of it. Learning to ride it like a roller coaster actually helped a lot as I could take a really stressful situation and make it about the rush of it all for a while which kind of made it fun, and being able to smile during it helped me seem like it wasn't really such a traumatic situation for the customers involved.

    Being around people for hours on end and having to “sweat” it out because you feel like you should in some way at least project an expected version of yourself is exhausting.

    I would advise learning to switch off the projection of yourself as something you don't feel authentic doing. Make it about your core competencies and proiect these because you really feel them.

    The being around others is not something I ever really got to be fully comfortable with, but I would find time to work with the ones I liked as much as possible and gave the problem staff as little time as I could get away with - they soon learned that they would only waste breath trying to get me to do more than the minimum for them.

    For the ones you hate but have power over you - these are typically the main issue for me and I developed a range of techniques to deal with them, but that is a story for another time.

  • Totally get where you’re coming from. Work can feel like a never-ending grind, especially when it drains your energy and messes with your headspace. It sucks that society pushes this idea that you have to keep grinding no matter what, or else you’re labeled lazy. Finding a job you actually enjoy is rare but can make all the difference. Otherwise, it’s easy to feel worn out and disconnected from everything else you care about. Long shifts and constant social “performance” are brutal, it’s no wonder you feel drained. Venting helps, so thanks for sharing. You’re definitely not alone in feeling this way.

  • I can certainly understand that as you get older technology evolves and changes how things are done, making things less and less tolerable over time.

    What really sticks out in your story is 9-12 hour shifts. Those are HORRIBLE and I don’t understand how some people are able to withstand that as their normal shift. I guess it’s worse if it’s not your normal shift and you still have to do it sometimes, though.

    If you’re really struggling in your current environment, you could possibly look into a new job? I know change is probably a terrifying prospect, but you can still dip your toes into the job market a little bit without making a full commitment to leave your current job until the perfect job comes up. My wife did that, where she started looking at jobs before making the complete decision to leave, and it helped her to realize exactly what kind of work environment she wanted to be in.

  • I always thought that work was supposed to be horrible, draining and unenjoyable, a means to an end unless you're lucky enough to be self employed doing somethng you do actually like. I've always thought that making work as horrible as possible, an exhausting and unsatifying thing to make earn barely enough to get by on was they way in which the establishment kept a lid on those lower down the social scale. Give us just enough to make us fear the loss of it, so as we don't revolt.

  • Dear Autismman,

    I am so sorry to hear the issues you are experiencing, Being exhausted at the end of the day is not a nice feeling. We have advice and guidance pages that may be worth reading through. Hopefully you find some useful advice. 

    We have a page dedicated to mental health and wellbeing. Please find the link here:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health-and-wellbeing

    We also have a page on employment just in case there is anything there to help you. Please find the link here:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/employment

    If you would like to explore any topics further please click on the advice and guidance at the top of the page. 

    Best wishes, 

    Anna Mod