I don’t know what I believe in

the last paragraph is really me haha! especially youtube and instagram looking for those perfect videos, and it's a sort of vicarious living through other people's solutions and imagine you are there already.

I think social media has been a clutch for me, when I'm not on it, I feel all my emotions very strongly and the brain fog and confusion about struggling to understand life and how to manage living is so pervasive, that it makes me feel so far behind.

The good thing is that from the burnout, I'm starting to feel as if I'm slowing down and noticing things that I was completely blinded to, or refused to absorb, and now I feel forced to face finding myself.

Thank you for this message, this was more helpful than I can say.

I come to realise that what you are describing is actually a behaviour that is also observed in the neurotypical population (In my head David Attenborough saying this out loud! hahaha!). Having to know about mainstream stuff and what is seen as the latest trends. I learned about certain topics thinking that I am excited about them, but in fact a part did that so I could get closer to certain people. That said, I did actually had a genuine interest in these topics, but for whatever reason I couldn't sustain the focus. 

In the end, we need to find out who we are and what floats our boat without needing the validation from the outside and that can be very hard, but it's also very rewarding. I joined a club because I really was into that topic without any of my existing friends and knowing that none of my existing friends will ever join me. It was a time and financial commitment, but I have never regretted it. It actually helped and still helps me with my social anxiety, self confidence and all over wellbeing. 

It helps to engage on social platform and in communities like this one, but you also need to start spending time with just yourself and experiment. Like start watching all documentaries on the BBC iPlayer and observe yourself. Do you want to see more of it, or rather scroll through your phone. Actually: Social Media addiction is very common, put that phone away for the day!

Listen to some songs on Spotify or on the radio and rate them. 

Smell spices in your cupboard and rate them. 

But in the end, you do sound depressed and burnout could very well play a part. Explore autistic burnout resources. Don't keep lingering on social media platforms and hope somebody will give you the key to happiness by giving you the exact solution to what you feel your problem is. I've been doing that too myself and I can tell you it's not working. You need to seek solitude and look inside.  

I worry a lot about not knowing about pop culture so well. I have friends who I haven't been as close to when I was younger, and wish I picked up things from being with them more, so I could have pop culture things to relate to. I find myself really boring, and when I hear how people spend their time (friends) and the way they talk about things, it really makes me wish I was like that too.

I think you’re right TheCatWoman. Admitting you don’t know and being unsure which way to go is sometimes the way to start a new beginning.

Definitely depressed and burntout. And I think I've felt like I have to perform to say I'm being busy in order to show my value. Or I have to only follow another's interest in order to get closer to them as a friend.

I do exactly the same for masking, and it has got me far in terms of making many friends for being a good listener. Sometimes it's the fact that I don't even know how to share my interests in and of themselves.

I’ve had 50 years of doing and thinking just that and in particular asking questions when in conversation because I don’t feel I can share my interests. People like to talk about themselves and I’ve used that for my masking. Maybe you have had to realise this in order for you to make adjustments and live more authentically. 
My friends list is very short as I don’t share much about myself, I find not many people want to talk about motorcycles and video gaming. 

As TheCatwoman said admitting what you don’t know is a step in itself so you should be proud of that.

I know what you're describing too well. Amd it's a journey I suppose to figure out what we truly like and what is an interest we developed as part of our masking performance to fit in and be liked. 

Learning to meditate really helps to get to know oneself better.

Maybe you're depressed or in burnout, I would look into that as well.

You might also be just somebody with many different interests, developing a deep knowledge of one specific topic is not everyone's bag

Theres an old saying that the begining of wisdom is admitting what you don't know, so instead of beating yourself up, consider yourself on the first step to becoming wise!

It was not to suggest having an argument, it was just to point out that others opinions may not be quite as deep as you might think. People can be passionate based on limited knowledge.

So don't be scared to offer your own views. I used the worry I was a bit boring because I didn't know much pop culture, but I know something about most things. I can offer something interesting. But talk about most sports, soaps, tiktok influencers is not going to work very well though. I don't have an answer for how to engage on that, unless you can be bothered to follow it which I don't.

It is easy to tell when to stop, in a conversation, just ask them why they think that once they've made a contentious statement. If they can't answer or don't give a reasoned answer you know. Then instead of arguing just smile and move on to the next topic, or get another drink. No need to score points. The idea is just to talk.

Stuart333 said:

on most subjects most people in a bar are repeating what they saw on TV or Facebook, what their friend told them, or what they saw in a newspaper. They don't have much depth to their opinions and struggle if you really press them or want to have a detailed discussion.

It is worth noting that pressing people or trying to make them have a detailed discussion will often come across as you being hostile, highlighting their shallowness and trying to prove you are better than them.

This is likely to be a NT response to your approach and will probably lead to you being marginalised or possibly a confrontation.

It is a mistake I've made too many times in the past.

I hear that. This year I have been pretty stagnant, but it was also because I was trying to push and push myself so that I could understand and be a part of as much things as possible. With little time for reflection, and I burnt myself out. However, I also think I was masking a lot, and used to adjusting my answers to things according to what I think was required of me to answer, and therefore I felt an internal sense of betrayal. 

The last statement is also so relatable. I want to share about myself, but I am ashamed of myself in terms of how I understand the world, and I struggle to find the words to share. It also feels very exhausting doing this too. I know I need to get over that, but I feel that the way I think seems so unnatural that sharing it I think will leave more confusion than anything

haha yes, I write my own music, perform and enjoy music. Although I am not the best at describing what I feel towards music, and I would like to, I very much enjoy it. I sort of shot myself in the foot with enjoying making music when I thought I had to create huge massive projects, and now I am a little jaded towards my own music expression.

Aha, so you ARE interested in music! What is your experience with music? Are you a writer, a performer, or an enjoyer?

The main way to have opinions of your own is to do the thing, e.g. to know what swimming or skydiving is like and talk about them you have to try them. To know about football you need to watch lots of it.

For some things it is possible to become knowledgeable by reading a lot, but you need varied reading to get a balanced view

However, note that on most subjects most people in a bar are repeating what they saw on TV or Facebook, what their friend told them, or what they saw in a newspaper. They don't have much depth to their opinions and struggle if you really press them or want to have a detailed discussion.

Try to do more things. You have to push yourself else you become stagnant, like me. I have to go do more things again.

Try to consider what you think about stuff, not just what other people think.

It is not always easy to know what you like unless you try stuff. But of course that means doing new stuff which is scary, but also rewarding if you can screw up your courage. This stops you feeling empty.

Be aware you need to share stuff about yourself with other people, not just talk about them, else they don't know anything about you, they will only be acquaintances. This is something I have realised recently I have been poor at.