Replies to sharing that you are autistic.

They are neurotypical, what more can you expect of them, to be honest? Once you fall outside of the little box they've made for you up until that point, it's freefall for them - they have no idea how to respond. Muppets.

I'm not diagnosed but it was highlighted by my counsellor as a possibility, and I'm awaiting assessment. I found it quite interesting to ask (trusted) friends what they thought. One friend said they always thought I had "something", others said they'd never considered it before, some said they still think not. My counsellor did highlight that some will think not though, because they also do the things I've mentioned as indicators. That's exactly what I did with a family member about 10 years ago. It took a long time for things to click. Friends and family have been supportive.

Work on the other hand were different. When I told them I said all my meeds were currently being met. It took them 2 weeks to ackowledge receipt of the email. When I told one of the driectors, they responded "Really?". When they tried to force me back into the office, and I wanted to then discuss adjustments, they were pretty much refusing to discuss it, outright rejecting things without discussion, or dismissing things because they weren't a problem for anyone else. I don't work there anymore, and am currently in the process of sorting employment tribunal. My new workplace is remote only which is a really good fit for me, and I'm much happier.

I think some people are scared of what an official diagnosis of a friend or relative means for how they think of and treat the diagnosed person. Some people are really really scared of illness or any sort of diagnosis, anything that smacks of anything "wrong", they seem super sensitive to what others think of them, or how they think others will think of them, personally I think they need to get over themselves.

I was asked how I managed to con the psychologist out of a diagnosis? That was from a psychiatric nurse, but then they're often the sort of people who feel they have to "do something" and it means treating you differently and they often ask stupid questions, like how long will it be before you're better?

Yes I was. I'm not the only ND there, there is one guy with ADHD and Borderline,  he is much more problematic than me. My issues are more bottled up. Some people find it funny how i walk and move or that I struggle to understand non verbal cues, jokes, irony etc. But I have a Label of hard working ant. 

I think for most people on the receiving end they don't really know what make of your news. They are probably thinking what does it mean for them. They think they don't need to do anything with the information.

They don't see any problem in you, so they don't think they need to change how they interact with you, so it is no big deal. 

Assuming they do care, then they probably don't know whether to be pleased or upset for you. It is likely hard for them to guage what reaction is appropriate as they can't relate.

I think this is the reason for the underwhelming response.

That and the comment that is no big deal as everyone is a bit autistic. 3 people said that to me when I said I wanted to get diagnosed.

You must have been pleased by the response from your manager as it means you don't need to worry.

I Shared with my manager at work because he was concerned about some of my issues but he is fine with it. Did not ask anything. I cried once and asked if they gonna fire me because of suspected autism. He said I’m working good and there are many people out there with various problems, and the colleagues  are happy with me. I catch every transport damage on the goods and report it immediately so it’s also kinda my superpower that I use at work. My mom said I’m nothing even close to autism, but it’s her outdated view of a child in a helmet and protective suit. Funny thing she says, autistic people are those who… and here she lists head banging, making certain noises, spinning etc and they are geniuses at math. It does not add up- if someone is only making certain noises all the time, then they will not become Einstein. But I leave her with her knowledge and belief, what she knows is the only correct knowledge, and I don’t go back to this topic. My husband is also fine. He knows me for 6 years and he loves me the way I am, although he does not understand me often. 

With one exception everyone I told reacted with utter disinterest. The exception was a cousin, who has always complained that I’ve been too quiet since childhood. She just rejected my diagnosis out of hand.

I understand the deflation. Telling people some of the biggest news of your life and have them just not care or reject it is very hurtful.

But we care here. I really am pleased for you. And maybe that’s the thing - the news is for you. It’s how you feel about that really matters.

Roy said:

Another person I will send to room 101.

Mine is full of people!

Lol.

Thanks Debbie, I’m just a bit annoyed, sorry you were treated in a similar way. she is one of those people who thinks autism doesn’t even exist. Another person I will send to room 101.

Sorry to hear this Roy.

I've had a mixed bag of reactions really and the ones that matter most to me are from the people I care most about.

They range from what appears to just be quiet acceptance to denial that I am actually autistic with quite a lot of nuances in between.

The denial was from a close family member but I don't have a close relationship, so although it annoyed me at the time, a lot, I've sort of put it behind me now.

Thinking of you and hoping that you have some armour to deflect words + attitudes that hurt.