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Kitty_E

I am very tearful today so I looked through the forums here and I don’t resonate with anyone else’s posts which makes me feel worse! I am exceptionally sensitive to sound at the moment and want to shut myself away from everyone and everything IRL but I also have a real problem with spelling and/or grammar mistakes: I won’t use a shop or restaurant if they have notices or menus with mistakes (please don’t think I’m perfect in this regard myself - I will berate myself for days afterwards if I slip up) and this means I can’t always finish reading some of the posts! I can’t maintain friendships because I don’t do small talk and once we have exhausted all topics of conversation (usually this is just moaning about our respective work), what’s the point? So that’s my messed up life, how are you doing today?

  • in reply to Kitty_E

    I am also starting talk therapy soon for the first time in a long time. I was also averse to it because as someone with social anxiety, talking to anyone at all felt counter intuitive. 

    It is daunting but for me it will be relieving to stop masking and not rely on family and friends for help. Like you I don't have strong friendships so I'm holding a lot in. At least with strangers, there are no stakes, and I don't have to worry about scaring anyone with my emotions (which admittedly get quite turbulent once I get into my feelings). Hopefully it goes well for you

  • in reply to Bunny

    Thank you for your response. I don’t think badly of other people because of their spelling and grammar (I think so anyway), I just can’t bring myself to, for example, eat in a cafe which serves lemon mouse cake instead of lemon mousse cake; or buy from a market stall that sells potatoe’s! 

  • Hi. I have the same issue with sound, also smell. I find it difficult to tolerate eating noises normally, however that gets worse when I'm heading for a meltdown. The world also smells of dog poo and wet gloss paint when I'm getting stressed (I struggle with trains for this reason).

    I also have synesthesia, I see music in colour. So rhythmic sound triggers that. I get a really strong emotional response to music so am often found eyes streaming with tears walking down the road.

    I spent three days last week having and recovering from a meltdown at work, pretty much cried constantly throughout that time. I'm mentioning this because afterwards I talked to the team I work with about what they might spot in the future before it all goes visibly wrong. One of them is spelling and grammar. I'm not being pedantic, both have a pattern to me and if that is off it really grates.

    I'm learning that the differing combinations of autistic traits we each have is open to huge variation, and they're all autism. Some info-dump, others can mimic small talk with apparent ease. Not something I can do and also find myself wondering what the point is. Some of us are high masking, others wear their autism on their sleeve. 

    I've not found a mirror image of my constellation of autistic-ness here but I hear very familiar themes in other people's comments.

    I hope you feel a bit steadier soon.

  • in reply to Kitty_E
    Kitty_E said:
    First therapy assessment session is tomorrow

    You might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's / author's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful:

    The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

  • Edit: I’m having a bit of a panic about oversharing / talking too much about myself, so I’ll just withdraw that for now, with apologies. I know you were able to read it, which is what matters. x

  • in reply to profdanger

    First therapy assessment session is tomorrow (I have resisted for years because I don’t believe I can talk to strangers about anything and in particular not about feelings/emotions) but my children have persuaded me. The sound hypersensitivity it affecting my work and home life so I know I have to do something. 

  • Hello there Kitty_E,

    I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling so much. I also have aversions to both sound and grammar, but it sounds as though mine are not nearly as intense as what you experience. Have you considered taking therapy yet? If you are going through Autistic burnout or a depressive episode, then therapy could potentially help you.

  • Hello, I think sometime broken patterns can feel like the wrong notes of a song being played. Small talk can feel hard and pointless when links that sometimes seem more important can't be found. When I feel disconnected I try to find the smallest thing that might be ok, something that has felt good in the past, for me its painting but it might be anything that feels right. Maybe a favourite piece of writing that you feel flows well ?

  • Hi and welcome to the community. I also have a bit of a problem with grammar and spelling mistakes, but I've learned to be more tolerant as I understand - from being a special needs teaching assistant when In was in my 30s, and from learning more about differences due to being on the spectrum - that everyone has different strengths and things they struggle with.

    It sounds like you may be dealing with autistic burnout. Be kind to yourself and plan things you'll enjoy to take your mind off of your sensitivities. Hope you can find this forum useful.