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Uncertainty that debilitating thing!

Mr T

I am struggling with a certain uncertainty in my life.

It revolves around my employment and is it going to end. I won't go any further but it is now just over two years it's been going on.

I have found myself crippled by the uncertainty of everything. I have regressed so much as I have been all consumed by all the what if's and maybe's.

The lack of control of knowing which direction I am going in has led to all sorts of catastrophising and constant ruminating with the looping thought continually swirling around. The only respite is sleeping (when I actually can sleep) or watching a documentary about something on tv. This allows me to be stimulated but at the same time switching my brain to a different setting.

This leads on from a thread about looping thoughts and somebody (sorry forgot who, my short term memory is shot) posted a link to a video about cognitive positioning.

I know it is well known trait of us autists to like to be in control but this has become an obsession that is all consuming. I barely have a  daily routine now and by the time I have did my morning stuff and logged into work (Been home working if you can call it that for a year and a half) I am feeling so drained that I want to sleep. I crave  and want answers to everything that crops up. I have daily fluctuating emotions from small highs to deep lows and I'm in a daily fight with imposter syndrome. If anyone asks what do I want to do I am blank.

I am trying to convey how I feel when I have uncertainty and only my thoughts to deal with it. I am pretty poor at describing how I feel as most of the time I am almost numb and can't find the words to describe my general wellbeing.

How does dealing with uncertainty affect you guys. Not stuff like missing a bus (although that can be frustrating) but the big stuff in life. How does it make you feel and how do you cope.

  • Mr T, I'm not going to lie, the feelings you have SUCK!

    I'm not saying that negatively, I'm saying that as I'm right there myself!

    Last year I lost my job after getting in to an argument and making some, shall we say, blunt yet valid points about something. Unfortunately my honesty was not appreciated and I was dismissed. Since then my life has been a *** show that is just spiralling out of control. I've managed to get a temp' job which is good, but it's not stimulating in any way. And the people I work with are by far and away not my kind of folk.
    Now my partner and I aren't talking because of her son causing an issue - well, she isn't talking to me. And I have HUGE discomfort of not knowing what's going on there.

    I get exactly what you're saying about wanting answers to stuff and looking to take control. And also about the little high/big low - And I'll add to that one, just how fast you can go one to the other.

    I hate not knowing. I hate not being in control. I hate that feeling of Damocles's Sword being above me all of the time. 

    So yeah, you're honestly not on your own in these feelings!

    James.

  • Recently (and I suppose, currently) going through a major life shift as I change jobs, homes, and even states. So leading up to the change I went through a really bad dark spiral. As the change has been actively going on I’ve been doing a little better but yeah, the overthinking the impending change was hell.

    I think the game changer for me has been rock-solid support from friends and family. But in order to be supported, I needed to open up about my worries and anxieties regarding the move. The other important factor is to recognize that anxiety about the change is normal, but is also not going to last forever.

    This change has been overall better for me, now that the worst of the anxiety about it is over. My current job is much more Autism-friendly, I suffer a little less from imposter syndrome, and the move will eventually create a more positive environment for my family.

  • Uncertainty causes me huge stress.

    I was in a job for 9 years where it was not clear if it we would make it another year. Right at the end when it looked like we would be alright I started making plans and they killed it. I worked so hard to try and make it work. This was 15 years ago, I did not really recover.

    I was in a job for 5 years where each quarter I was not sure if I the plug would be pulled the next quarter. This was hell. I actually thought they were trying to break me.

    You need to either convince yourself you will be safe for the next year, or whatever you need to keep going, or you have to take control and look for a new job.

    Having a lack of options makes things harder.

    Is the worry based on something real. If it is, then you need to address this.

    If the worry affects your work it will end up coming true as then they will let you go. This would be self sabotage.

  • Sorry you're struggling. Having worked from home in the past found it can be useful but it's easy to get stuck in thoughts, meeting others may have its own challenges but can help break the cycles. I remember a phrase that used to run through my head if you don't change something, chances are they'll stay the same. I also struggle with uncertainty thinking things over and over, weighing up risks and options. I find mind maps with colours can help a little to see issues, risks and benefits.