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Uncertainty that debilitating thing!

Mr T

I am struggling with a certain uncertainty in my life.

It revolves around my employment and is it going to end. I won't go any further but it is now just over two years it's been going on.

I have found myself crippled by the uncertainty of everything. I have regressed so much as I have been all consumed by all the what if's and maybe's.

The lack of control of knowing which direction I am going in has led to all sorts of catastrophising and constant ruminating with the looping thought continually swirling around. The only respite is sleeping (when I actually can sleep) or watching a documentary about something on tv. This allows me to be stimulated but at the same time switching my brain to a different setting.

This leads on from a thread about looping thoughts and somebody (sorry forgot who, my short term memory is shot) posted a link to a video about cognitive positioning.

I know it is well known trait of us autists to like to be in control but this has become an obsession that is all consuming. I barely have a  daily routine now and by the time I have did my morning stuff and logged into work (Been home working if you can call it that for a year and a half) I am feeling so drained that I want to sleep. I crave  and want answers to everything that crops up. I have daily fluctuating emotions from small highs to deep lows and I'm in a daily fight with imposter syndrome. If anyone asks what do I want to do I am blank.

I am trying to convey how I feel when I have uncertainty and only my thoughts to deal with it. I am pretty poor at describing how I feel as most of the time I am almost numb and can't find the words to describe my general wellbeing.

How does dealing with uncertainty affect you guys. Not stuff like missing a bus (although that can be frustrating) but the big stuff in life. How does it make you feel and how do you cope.

Parents

  • Recently (and I suppose, currently) going through a major life shift as I change jobs, homes, and even states. So leading up to the change I went through a really bad dark spiral. As the change has been actively going on I’ve been doing a little better but yeah, the overthinking the impending change was hell.

    I think the game changer for me has been rock-solid support from friends and family. But in order to be supported, I needed to open up about my worries and anxieties regarding the move. The other important factor is to recognize that anxiety about the change is normal, but is also not going to last forever.

    This change has been overall better for me, now that the worst of the anxiety about it is over. My current job is much more Autism-friendly, I suffer a little less from imposter syndrome, and the move will eventually create a more positive environment for my family.

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  • Recently (and I suppose, currently) going through a major life shift as I change jobs, homes, and even states. So leading up to the change I went through a really bad dark spiral. As the change has been actively going on I’ve been doing a little better but yeah, the overthinking the impending change was hell.

    I think the game changer for me has been rock-solid support from friends and family. But in order to be supported, I needed to open up about my worries and anxieties regarding the move. The other important factor is to recognize that anxiety about the change is normal, but is also not going to last forever.

    This change has been overall better for me, now that the worst of the anxiety about it is over. My current job is much more Autism-friendly, I suffer a little less from imposter syndrome, and the move will eventually create a more positive environment for my family.

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