I am struggling with a certain uncertainty in my life.
It revolves around my employment and is it going to end. I won't go any further but it is now just over two years it's been going on.
I have found myself crippled by the uncertainty of everything. I have regressed so much as I have been all consumed by all the what if's and maybe's.
The lack of control of knowing which direction I am going in has led to all sorts of catastrophising and constant ruminating with the looping thought continually swirling around. The only respite is sleeping (when I actually can sleep) or watching a documentary about something on tv. This allows me to be stimulated but at the same time switching my brain to a different setting.
This leads on from a thread about looping thoughts and somebody (sorry forgot who, my short term memory is shot) posted a link to a video about cognitive positioning.
I know it is well known trait of us autists to like to be in control but this has become an obsession that is all consuming. I barely have a daily routine now and by the time I have did my morning stuff and logged into work (Been home working if you can call it that for a year and a half) I am feeling so drained that I want to sleep. I crave and want answers to everything that crops up. I have daily fluctuating emotions from small highs to deep lows and I'm in a daily fight with imposter syndrome. If anyone asks what do I want to do I am blank.
I am trying to convey how I feel when I have uncertainty and only my thoughts to deal with it. I am pretty poor at describing how I feel as most of the time I am almost numb and can't find the words to describe my general wellbeing.
How does dealing with uncertainty affect you guys. Not stuff like missing a bus (although that can be frustrating) but the big stuff in life. How does it make you feel and how do you cope.
