Increasingly frustrated!

Hello ImJustAGirl,

Welcome to the online community and congratulations on getting your diagnosis!

I am sorry to hear you are experiencing frustration since your diagnosis. I can see you've already had a number of responses from the community but I thought I would just share some advice and guidance from the NAS website which may be useful to you: 

After diagnosis: 

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/after-diagnosis 

Autism fatigue: 

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/autistic-fatigue

We also have a service directory where you can search for local counsellors in your area who special in autism / local support groups: 

https://www.autism.org.uk/autism-services-directory

I hope this helps. 

Gina Mod

ImJustAGirl said:

How are you late diagnosed managing to cope?

I most certainly did misunderstand things before diagnosis but I was blissfully unaware and thought it was normal that people spoke in riddles, by that I mean saying one thing but meaning another 

I think I’m going to try that out, I have mad fears of embarrassment and rejection so I find it difficult to ask people to clarify, although that being said I’m going to start small, maybe with family and friends then expand it to my colleagues etc - thanks for the advice 

Thank you for the reassurance, I think I needed to hear that, I’m finding it difficult to adapt to the idea that I’ve never been stupid & none of it was my fault, but after doing that for the most part of 31 years, it’s rather difficult 

how did you manage to work through the frustrations? I mean a few months ago (before diagnosis) I kept having moments of sheer panic at the realisation I’m stuck in my own brain for the rest of my life 

I’m finding after working 5 days a week at 9-5 and being a parent too, I can’t physically do anything on a weekend when I’m off, I feel ridiculously guilty for it too but I’m exhausted 

thank you for your response 

Hello! Welcome to the community! 

I was diagnosed this year at the age 35 and I too was quite frustrated for several months. I managed to cope by using strategies that I’ve been using all my life and carrying on with my special interests. I’ve actually found engaging with this community helpful and generally reading about other people that are late diagnosed. Also, remember, you’ve always been who you are! For me, a diagnosis has helped bring clarity but it took a couple of months for me to work past the frustrations.

Tiredness is totally normal. I’m a teacher with teenagers - it’s totally ‘normal’ to be tired with so many social interactions. 

Keep reaching out - you’re not alone! 

Interesting, I am good at explaining stuff to other people too.

I ask many questions, or check stuff to answer questions myself, to make sure I understand something fully. Then explaining it is straightforward and logical.

Implicit or undocumented assumptions are the biggest cause of projects going wrong. So I get them all out of the way at the start.

People used to think I did it a bit too much, but it has paid dividends, so no-one says anything any more.

If you have a room full of people and you are unclear, you can be sure someone else is also unclear, but they are too scared to say anything, and/or the other people have not thought of what you have.

I fell like I arrived on this planet without a manual for living in the late 20th and early 21st centurues, there's so much I don't understand and some stuff that makes me stand out even amoung the ASC community, its frustrating, I often don't know how to explain it to people. I think I've just got used to it and quite a long time ago I decided to make being weird a virtue rather than a bother, but then I also don't mix with others very often anymore.

Hi and welcome to the community.

When I was working, I found that a lot of non autistic people misunderstood things - in fact, colleagues told me that I explained things better than others. So it's not your fault if you misunderstand something and it's not necessarily due to autism - it might be that someone didn't explain  it well. If I wasn't sure I asked for clarification.

Exhaustion is very common, and I found working full time very challenging. I reduced my hours to part time when I was in my mid fifties (just after I realised I was on the spectrum) and last year I retired. It's so great not having to deal with work any more, and I do sympathise with your situation, and understand how tired it makes you. Try making time to relax and do things you enjoy.

Hopefully as you learn more about yourself you will be able to deal with things better. I hope this forum helps you.

Before you were diagnosed did you not misunderstand things? Or was it just that you were not aware?

Once you are aware of things you will notice them more. This may be good and bad, but gives the chance to feel less confused. You can ask for clarification if there are things that are not clear instead of guessing.

Saying back to people what they have said is considered a good technique for anybody, and part of active listening. Not necessarily after every sentence, but summarise at points. E.g. you have told me you have this issue, or want this thing done, is that correct? Or, you want me to do this, correct?

Most people will not be bothered by you confirming things if they are not clear.

I'm assuming you are mostly interacting with people verbally.

Diagnosis is not a magic wand to stop it but gives you some understanding of yourself. How you then adapt to your situation is up to you. 

Don't feel stupid or blame yourself, you need to accept yourself. While it is tempting to think everyone else is fine, they have their own issues and often they make assumptions that are not correct. You are not better or worse.

Also take regular breaks to help reduce feeling exhausted.  This will help you to process stuff better and not miss things. Try not to replay conversations and overanalyze everything, it may not be easy, but it will save energy.

Hi there. Welcome to the boards.

I've been diagnosed for a few years now and it is quite an emotional journey post-diagnosis. There are some links on the site, I think, about managing the whole thing after being diagnosed. But I have generally just posted on here and there are lots of people to help and support you on the ecommunity.

It is the biggie for me - about functioning 'normally' and I have still not totally come to terms with how I view myself. But definitely working full time and with people directly is a huge triggering deal.

I cope by researching in books - I am too old to look at vlogs (so far )

I should do journalling. But it always seems to take too much emotional energy to do this, so it's still on my to do list.

I immerse myself in my special interests.

But one step at a time and tell yourself that it will be okay. It's just about hanging in there and allow the Kubler-Ross cycle to do its thing. 

Take care of yourself,

Mrs Snooks