• Replies 27 replies
  • Subscribers 89 subscribers
  • Views 3113 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Letting go of being told I am not normal.

mrs.snooks

I've posted this in my other thread, so sorry if this is against the rules. But I woke up at 4.30am thinking that this was still hurting.

Yesterday, in response to coming out as Autistic, I was told "well, not everyone is normal"

I'm really trying to get my head around this, because of course being autistic, for the life of me, I don't know if they mean that:

1. It is okay to not be normal

2. It is not okay to be not normal

3. Being normal is on a spectrum

4. Being not normal makes me a lesser person.

So, please help me understand.

I'm going to ask the advice of a neurotypical colleague of what was meant by this response. Because it is hurting still.

I mean I know I am not normal. I know I am weird (a comment from Wednesday). But I have a lifetime of this trauma to try and cope with.

I don't know whether I should call it out, feel hurt, feel angry or feel like I am 'making a mountain out of a molehill'. (Do love a good metaphor Rolling eyes) I want to improve how we are viewed in the world, but maybe like my husband advised me: I should not come out as Autistic, because it will come at too great a personal cost.

Yours, feeling sad.

Mrs Snooks

Parents

  • I am so sorry that this has happened to you.

    I interpret that comment as ‘the majority of people are normal’, as in they don’t have a disability or a deficit or a disorder or whatever ghastly terminology the other person might be thinking of. It is impossible to know what they believe autism to be, and impossible to know unless they can elaborate and be specific about the definition. It is saying ‘some people are not normal’, as in ‘you are not normal’. 

    I could be misunderstanding the intention of the person as some people say things that don’t convey their intended meaning.

    D said:
    I have never believed in "normal". It's why I dislike the "neruotypical" term as I believe it has similar conotations.

    There is no such thing as a ‘normal’ person. It is why I too dislike the term ‘neurotypical’ and tend to use ‘non autistic’ instead, as it is more specific and it feels less negative.

    I know that many non autistic people dislike the term ‘normal’, even when not in the context of talking about autistic people. Sadly, others toss the word around.

    Your personhood is valuable and is worth much more than someone’s throwaway and ill considered remark.

Reply

  • I am so sorry that this has happened to you.

    I interpret that comment as ‘the majority of people are normal’, as in they don’t have a disability or a deficit or a disorder or whatever ghastly terminology the other person might be thinking of. It is impossible to know what they believe autism to be, and impossible to know unless they can elaborate and be specific about the definition. It is saying ‘some people are not normal’, as in ‘you are not normal’. 

    I could be misunderstanding the intention of the person as some people say things that don’t convey their intended meaning.

    D said:
    I have never believed in "normal". It's why I dislike the "neruotypical" term as I believe it has similar conotations.

    There is no such thing as a ‘normal’ person. It is why I too dislike the term ‘neurotypical’ and tend to use ‘non autistic’ instead, as it is more specific and it feels less negative.

    I know that many non autistic people dislike the term ‘normal’, even when not in the context of talking about autistic people. Sadly, others toss the word around.

    Your personhood is valuable and is worth much more than someone’s throwaway and ill considered remark.

Children