• Replies 35 replies
  • Subscribers 88 subscribers
  • Views 2043 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Letting go of being told I am not normal.

mrs.snooks

I've posted this in my other thread, so sorry if this is against the rules. But I woke up at 4.30am thinking that this was still hurting.

Yesterday, in response to coming out as Autistic, I was told "well, not everyone is normal"

I'm really trying to get my head around this, because of course being autistic, for the life of me, I don't know if they mean that:

1. It is okay to not be normal

2. It is not okay to be not normal

3. Being normal is on a spectrum

4. Being not normal makes me a lesser person.

So, please help me understand.

I'm going to ask the advice of a neurotypical colleague of what was meant by this response. Because it is hurting still.

I mean I know I am not normal. I know I am weird (a comment from Wednesday). But I have a lifetime of this trauma to try and cope with.

I don't know whether I should call it out, feel hurt, feel angry or feel like I am 'making a mountain out of a molehill'. (Do love a good metaphor Rolling eyes) I want to improve how we are viewed in the world, but maybe like my husband advised me: I should not come out as Autistic, because it will come at too great a personal cost.

Yours, feeling sad.

Mrs Snooks

Parents

  • I have never believed in "normal". It's why I dislike the "neruotypical" term as I believe it has similar conotations. I believe everyone is different in their own way, and that is a good thing. However, it was well described to me once that terms like "neurotypical" and "neurodiverse" help people to understand/describe differences and put in place better support. Overall, it's probably net positive to use them. I expect "normal" is often used in place of "neurotypical" by those less informed on the subject. I think it's always good to remember people are (mostly) not trying to be malicious or disrespectful, they just don't know better.

    I'm still awaiting assessment so always unsure about describing things about me as fixations and special interests, but my personal experiences are that I've been able to use my passions about various things to improve things for myself and others, keep people aligned to values, and even provide essential support to a close friend when others were too busy thinking about themselves. If someone tells me I'm not normal, I'm taking it as a compliment. There's a lot I haven't figured out, but I generally know who I am, and I'm very happy with that.

    It doesn't need to be that extreme. I expect many with Autism use it to their advantage in some way. I know people with autism who are extremely skilled at what they do, and some I suspect might be autistic that are extremely loyal and trusted friends.

    So embrace what makes you different. Then if you really want to confuse people, if someone says you're not normal, just say "Thanks!" Joy

Reply

  • I have never believed in "normal". It's why I dislike the "neruotypical" term as I believe it has similar conotations. I believe everyone is different in their own way, and that is a good thing. However, it was well described to me once that terms like "neurotypical" and "neurodiverse" help people to understand/describe differences and put in place better support. Overall, it's probably net positive to use them. I expect "normal" is often used in place of "neurotypical" by those less informed on the subject. I think it's always good to remember people are (mostly) not trying to be malicious or disrespectful, they just don't know better.

    I'm still awaiting assessment so always unsure about describing things about me as fixations and special interests, but my personal experiences are that I've been able to use my passions about various things to improve things for myself and others, keep people aligned to values, and even provide essential support to a close friend when others were too busy thinking about themselves. If someone tells me I'm not normal, I'm taking it as a compliment. There's a lot I haven't figured out, but I generally know who I am, and I'm very happy with that.

    It doesn't need to be that extreme. I expect many with Autism use it to their advantage in some way. I know people with autism who are extremely skilled at what they do, and some I suspect might be autistic that are extremely loyal and trusted friends.

    So embrace what makes you different. Then if you really want to confuse people, if someone says you're not normal, just say "Thanks!" Joy

Children
  • in reply to D

    Yes, I think that is a real issue I have;  working out who and when it is not someone who means to be malicious or disrespectful. I'm so totally unable to read someone. So very vulnerable to potential abuse but also not able to feel safe when they are not someone who is out to hurt me. 

    Thank you for the superb response advice. Grin