How do I help a work colleague - if I even can?

I’m sorry that you feel helpless regarding your ‘apprentice’. It sounds like you have a strong sense of justice and of what is right and wrong, and that is admirable, but it seems that there is not much more that you can do at the moment.

You might have to try to become detached from what can’t be changed on your part. That is easy to say, but you are already aware that you are ‘helpless’, so maybe keep reminding yourself that you can’t do anything at the moment. Detachment is key, yet I understand it isn’t easy.

I hope you find yourself in a non toxic environment soon, so good luck with the search.

I like the Pollyanna analogy!

You have to look after yourself first. This is what everyone else does.

Life is hard but you can't always solve other people's problems.

Good luck with the new applications. You don't necessarily need to start again, you are just doing something different.

Sorry to  read your update, I’ve certainly learned the hard way….put your health and happiness first,  sounds like you are looking at your options

Hi. Just an update. Today I sent out my CV to two local alternates of NHS employers that are local. I

need to check in with my line manager, but it very much looks like my 'apprentice' is going to be 'let go'. The office is poisonous against him and I'm finding the teams behaviour more and more toxic. I am becoming more and more aware that I just don't feel comfortable being in the environment.

My new nickname at home is Pollyanna. Becuase I am trying to fix an impossible situation. And I really identify with a scene in 'The Penguin Lessons' which I watched recently. It involves the main character and the juncta henceman. For those of you who have seen the film, I hope that makes sense. For those of you who have not seen it, I won't spoil it just incase you are still going to go.

I feel really helpless and of course feel that it is all deeply unfair how my colleague is being treated. Because he is not 'out', I can not even advice him to use legislation to support his case.

It is a sad situation, that I have to start again. But I am in the lucky situation that I don't need to work in order to live and eat.

And advice in my case would be sincerely welcomed.

Thanks

Mrs Snooks

Very brave, hope all goes well for you, good luck

mrs.snooks said:

I am out - as autistic, to senior mangement

Such a generous offer is to be respected - irrespective of whether it is taken up / acted upon.

Wishing you well "out there".

There is much to learn from a storm.

Hoping your evening is one of recuperation.

Hi. I have put in an offer to the management to be a mentor.

I am out - as autistic, to senior mangement

I am all out of spoons today

'Let the storm rage on'

xx Mrs Snooks

Depending on the nature of your colleague's new role, maybe you could offer - neutrally - to be his mentor on some aspects?

I have done that before now - we used to meet with a coffee in a meeting room - so the person could air their worries without an audience.

Super. Thanks Iain 

Thank you White_Dragon . Really appreciate your advice.

Yes. Great idea,  thank you for your help.

mrs.snooks said:

He is like me. And shows all the problems of executive function issues. He had his first day of learning the new job yesterday and I could see him struggling.

You could always just ask him if he is struggling with certain things that appear obvious to you and offer to teach him the techniques that you use to get them done.

I would think it quite possible to offer situation specific support without having to use the word "autistic" at all - everyone has weaknesses so you can use that as the cue to offer specific support using yourself as an example of someone who has been there before.

mrs.snooks said:

how can I help him keep his job.

You could ask him if he wants a mentor who suffered similar struggles to him, although you will need to clear with with your and his management first I expect.

In reality all you can do is offer the help - he has to be willing to accept it and of course your management need to approve the time it will cost both of you to do this, otherwise it will take time out of hours and neither of you may have the bandwidth to deal with that extra time / effort.

If applicable you could give positive feedback to his manager. If you work together on something and it's appropriate that is. We do "ethank yous" at my work where you can send an automatic message to the person and their manager. Just little things like "I want to thank X for their great contribution in the meeting today" or similar. Don't know if that sort of thing would help..?

Sorry I am not across your work and what you do etc so it's not so easy to help. I don't like to see anyone struggling, can you not offer to help or is not realistic or possible? You mention the organisation is not very tolerant, is that the case for his line manager or maybe yours? Unless they really want the individual out (which maybe the case?) I would think they would provide support/assistance to help learn the new role?