Published on 12, July, 2020
Not sure if this is the correct place to post this but ..
My son is 38 , diagnosed with Aspergers at age 20 .
He has a very limited social life but is so wanting to find a girlfriend and has been joining various well known dating agencies online ( and spending quite a bit of money to do it ) but he is finding it hard to accept that his aspergers may put people off .
I don't want him to feel that he is inferior to other folks , which he isn't , but I really don't think the websites he has been trying are suitable for him . Does anyone know if there are any "asperger friendly" sites that he could look at ?
I'm just here to keep the thread alive and also complain at the prolonged lack of intimacy (2/3 years now).
Would seem more viable to build myself an AI to have a relationship with.
Hi, Ryan:
It’s Elizabeth from Canada and I hope you’re well. This thread really caught my eye because I think the dating issue is something with which many of us struggle, including women.
The prolonged lack of intimacy you mentioned is super hard. I have come to see that what I previously thought were my high standards is actually my understanding, after multiple failed relationships, of my need to find someone who is accommodating.
I don’t know whether anyone else feels this way, but I’ve actually concluded that in many ways having a partner who also has Asperger’s would be ideal. That’s because he would hopefully understand why, for example, I am exhausted at the end of my workday and prefer to walk the dog and then stay in for a really relaxing and, frankly, much needed quiet time. I would hope that I, in turn, would be understanding about his needs.
Perhaps, for example, he would be unable to maintain full-time/any employment, have few if any friends, and/or need to game for a few hours every evening in order to relax. These things would make sense to me, and perhaps that would be something we could give each other – understanding, respect, and space.
Do you or does anyone else have any thoughts about the advantages of finding a partner who also has Asperger Syndrome, rather than continuing to try to date neurotypical people?
Elizabeth
Lucky to live in such a beautiful country!!
Yeah I have come to the same conclusion also but I have so many barriers between me and women (interests, height, sociality) that adding another "requirement" seems like shooting myself in the foot.
I consider myself somewhat flexible and adaptable (ish) and so am always willing to figure out the specifics with a partner in order to make them feel equally valued, it's just getting that foot in the door that's hard, especially when I don't socialise.
I'm not sure about the benefits of dating another aspie but I know there are a LOT of downsides to dating most NTs, at least for me. I'll try anything at this point tbh.