Struggling as Mother’s Day is coming up

I’m struggling with it in a different way, I don’t mean to cause offence to people who have lost their mother. I don’t particularly get on with my mother. It’s been decided that there is to be a family gathering on Sunday to celebrate Mother’s Day, I know I have to attend and have an escape room planned , it’s causing me anxiety and making me withdraw from people in the build up to it. I suppose best masking skills will be needed. As I said I’m sorry for anyone who has lost their mother, I don’t mean to offend anyone.

I used to feel like this Roy. I had a difficult relationship with both my mother and my father, and Mother’s Day and Father’s Day were not easy. I bought them gifts etc - but it was hard to ‘honour them’ as parents when they often caused me so much emotional pain. 
During the course of the last 3 years they have both died - and even though I did my best to care them I have to admit that there was an element of relief when they died. I was upset when they died, I cried, but it was a very confusing mix of feelings. My dad was verbally very cruel to me: regular insults and put downs. I’m glad that I no longer have to pretend on Father’s Day that my dad was a good dad - because he wasn’t kind or loving to me. 

Kate Kestrel said:

there was an element of relief when they died

I have never cried over my mother's death and I felt and still feel (7 years on) an immense relief.

Thank you for your honesty Kate.

I do miss my dad but he was utterly suppressed by my mother so a lot of the time he seemed like a shadowy figure in my life.

Yes. Very true.

What I have learnt is that the first goal of a narcissist is to make you believe it’s your fault.

Yes, she may have been a narcissist and certainly many of her behaviours indicated this but there was a lot more going on mental health wise I think.

Kate Kestrel said:

I know now that it wasn’t my fault, and it wasn’t because I was a bad or horrible person. We can heal - understanding and awareness can bring a lot of peace

Absolutely Kate.

Parents can make children feel very guilty.

I remember my mother taking me out when I was still a child to spend the day with one of  her boyfriends.

It made me feel very mixed up and guilty towards my father.

I'm glad you have 'come to terms' with what you suffered, at least to a degree.

x

Yes, she may have been a narcissist and certainly many of her behaviours indicated this but there was a lot more going on mental health wise I think.

Kate Kestrel said:

I know now that it wasn’t my fault, and it wasn’t because I was a bad or horrible person. We can heal - understanding and awareness can bring a lot of peace

Absolutely Kate.

Parents can make children feel very guilty.

I remember my mother taking me out when I was still a child to spend the day with one of  her boyfriends.

It made me feel very mixed up and guilty towards my father.

I'm glad you have 'come to terms' with what you suffered, at least to a degree.

x

Yes. Very true.

What I have learnt is that the first goal of a narcissist is to make you believe it’s your fault.