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Struggling as Mother’s Day is coming up

Rach91

It’s that time of year again Mother’s Day is approaching. I really struggle with it. On Sunday my friend Rikki is taking me to the beach where my mums ashes were scattered. I will put flowers down then let my dog have a run on the beach afterwards. As a joke I’m going to put a fake parking ticket on his car lol. But the issue is that every where I go Mother’s Day is advertised and I feel there no empathy for people like me who no longer have a mother or for the people who have a bad relationship with their mother or just for the people who grew up in care who never knew their mother. I can’t wait for it to be over and I feel I struggle with Mother’s Day the most as it’s advertised everywhere. 

Parents

  • I’m struggling with it in a different way, I don’t mean to cause offence to people who have lost their mother. I don’t particularly get on with my mother. It’s been decided that there is to be a family gathering on Sunday to celebrate Mother’s Day, I know I have to attend and have an escape room planned , it’s causing me anxiety and making me withdraw from people in the build up to it. I suppose best masking skills will be needed. As I said I’m sorry for anyone who has lost their mother, I don’t mean to offend anyone.

  • in reply to Roy

    I used to feel like this Roy. I had a difficult relationship with both my mother and my father, and Mother’s Day and Father’s Day were not easy. I bought them gifts etc - but it was hard to ‘honour them’ as parents when they often caused me so much emotional pain. 
    During the course of the last 3 years they have both died - and even though I did my best to care them I have to admit that there was an element of relief when they died. I was upset when they died, I cried, but it was a very confusing mix of feelings. My dad was verbally very cruel to me: regular insults and put downs. I’m glad that I no longer have to pretend on Father’s Day that my dad was a good dad - because he wasn’t kind or loving to me. 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    Thanks Kate, I’ve had discussions with my wife about how I feel. There seems to be an unwritten rule that you must love your parents. My wife lost her mother, I get told by my wife that I’m lucky to still have my mother and she would give anything to have hers back. I feel guilt that I don’t really have any feelings. The family get together went off okay, everyone just grinned and bared it. I referred to it as ‘The Last Supper.” I don’t drink alcohol anymore so these sort of events are hard to get through, in the old days I would have just drank my body weight in beer and got through it.

    I was puzzled at school when other children saw their parents at the school gate, they would be smiling and hug them. I couldn’t understand why they wanted to touch each other. Obviously I now understand  that autism was at play.

    My late father just did as he was told, it was easier .

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  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    Thanks Kate, I’ve had discussions with my wife about how I feel. There seems to be an unwritten rule that you must love your parents. My wife lost her mother, I get told by my wife that I’m lucky to still have my mother and she would give anything to have hers back. I feel guilt that I don’t really have any feelings. The family get together went off okay, everyone just grinned and bared it. I referred to it as ‘The Last Supper.” I don’t drink alcohol anymore so these sort of events are hard to get through, in the old days I would have just drank my body weight in beer and got through it.

    I was puzzled at school when other children saw their parents at the school gate, they would be smiling and hug them. I couldn’t understand why they wanted to touch each other. Obviously I now understand  that autism was at play.

    My late father just did as he was told, it was easier .

Children
  • in reply to Roy

    There’s no need to feel guilty Roy - it’s hard having parents who make us feel very bad and we have to battle through many difficult things as a result of the impact of that. It’s not something we choose to- we have little choice on the matter. I never gave up trying to make the relationship better - I worked so hard to achieve that. I did my best and I imagine you did too. Thankfully I met a wonderful man and we had our own family - and I know what NOT to do as a result of my own experience as a child - so there are silver linings!