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Partner of an autistic person

Warriorwisewoman

Hi, I’m struggling with my partners (seemingly) inability to recognise or acknowledge my emotional needs. 

He doesn’t have a diagnosis but the traits he presents and the impact it has, I believe he would be considered Asperger’s. (I hope it’s ok to use that term, I know autism is a spectrum)

I’ve tried explaining to him directly how I feel and what I need multiple times with no success.

At this point I’m not really looking for suggestions of how to get through to him, (but if you have some I’m all ears) what I’m really looking for is other people in my shoes who can tell me that I’m not alone. 

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  • in reply to Rosie Mod

    Also, Rosie, could you clarify which point the issue is about? 

    Many thanks.

  • in reply to Rosie Mod

    I'm sorry, Rosie. I was trying to make the point that we were all frustrated by a lack of understanding, and rigorous debate may start the ball rolling.

  • in reply to Bored and irritable

    We would like to remind you of our rule 4 of our Online Community: 

    Rule 4: No harmful or offensive content. Do not post or link to anything that is: graphic or obscene, defamatory or libellous, impersonating someone else, infringing copyright. 

  • in reply to Warriorwisewoman

    So talk....

    It's not like neurodiverse people don't know their differences. Have you not heard the phrase "different, never less"? I choose to be single because I can be a colossal pain in the backside. But your problem isn't finding people to converse over associated circumstances. In my humble opinion, anyhow.

    If your partner doesn't have an official diagnosis, he doesn't think he is neurodiverse; he believes he is neurotypical. So, by extension, the difficulties you are trying to overcome do not exist. Indeed, in my experience and with anybody I have discussed, the journey of getting a diagnosis is a battle but something worthwhile. 

    Have you considered that your partner thinks a formal diagnosis is a sign of weakness? If he learns about the positives of being neurodivergent, he may be open to taking the first steps.

    I'm happy to discuss matters with you, as I am sure many people here would be. It would be hugely beneficial to have an alternative perspective to understand the dynamics; we all may learn a thing or two. Such as, the use of the term Asperger's wasn't stopped to benefit the Autistic Community; it was a cynical marketing decision. Call it what you like. 

    And if nothing else, this is a forum on a NAS website; an organisation started to further the cause of the autistic community. Its highly unlikely you will get people discussing [content removed by Moderator due to breaches of the online community rules and guidelines] Which if you ask me is a shame. 

    After all, nobody is a mind reader. 

  • in reply to Bored and irritable

    Thank you, but what I’m looking for is to find real people I can connect with. To hear (or read) another person saying “Yes, I hear you and I feel you” and I can’t seem to find that anywhere.

    I’m part of the carers network in my area but everyones circumstances are so different. As this website is advertised as a place for family members and carers as well I was hoping I might have more luck here.