Length of Masking

NAS96052 said:

I have school about masking and my personal experiences but they get very offended and lecture me on how experienced the senco team are!

Along with the NAS information provided by Rosie Mod, have a read also of 'Putting on My Best Normal: Social Camouflaging in Adults with Autism Spectrum Conditions' and perhaps use it in part or whole to support your application for your daughter's special educational needs to be met.

Yeah sure, just thought I'd offer hope that help is available if she goes to uni. It should be available much earlier though.

Cloud44 said:

These are available through DSA in higher education,

The reason I had suggested the therapist is that this is available now whereas the education system seem to be making the daughter wait the 4 years (or maybe 1 on RTC) so that is a long time to be without access to this.

Iain said:

If it is within your budget then getting a therapist may be a good idea to help your daughter with developing effecive study techniques and coping with her autistic traits in the short term

These are available through DSA in higher education, although they are called specialist mentors and study mentors, but pretty much do as you described. 

NAS96052 said:

She is on the waiting list but have been warned it may be up to a 4 years wait.

You have 2 other alternatives here, one is to as the GP for the "Right to Choose" which will get them to pay for a private assessment and should drop the waiting list to around a year, or you can go private (costs £1-2k) if this is within your budget and the time should be a few weeks to a few months depending on the organisation you choose.

I masked every working hour for nearly forty years. People can and do, although it likely leads to meltdowns behind closed doors. It sounds like the senco has outdated ideas of how autism presents. I'm in a similar situation with my daughter at the moment, she is currently on a long waiting list. She can have SEND help but not an EHCP.

It sounds like you understand your daughter and are supporting her at home even if she is lacking support in school. The best thing you can do is let her be 100% real at home to relive some of the stress of masking. I'm 40 now and completely unmasked, it's such a relief, but it does make life more difficult on the outside (education, work etc) but much happier on the inside.

Also, a side note, if she has plans to enter higher education, there is loads of support there like study mentors, extensions, extra time for exams etc but a diagnosis (or proof on a waiting list for one) will be needed.

NAS96052 said:

I masked all day at school and then I masked on 12 hours work shifts

Oh yes, I definitely recognise what you have written there.  In my experience, you are not being stupid.  In any event, both you and your older Daughter have relevant lived experience. 

It shouldn't all be about niches, textbook diagnostic profiles, and labels - rather the focus of the School should be around recognising your Daughter's competencies and capabilities, and then considering the techniques to address and support closing the gap with respect to her individual Neurodivergent needs.

Sometimes the clue to those teaching styles which best suit a student can be determined by asking the young person to describe: which subjects / lessons they enjoy (as they don't find them so tiring / confusing and where they find it easy to participate well).  To work towards closing the gap in other subjects and helping her to further thrive is applicable to all students.  Why does another lesson work well, and what tweaks would it take to feel and perform to an improved level in the more challenging subject area?

I remember one Math teacher; who attended some extra classroom techniques training over the Summer - ready for welcoming a dyslexic student to the class in the Autumn.  Unexpectedly, several other students in the class also experienced improved grades / marks / learning and retention of that new knowledge - just because the Maths teacher had over Summer learnt some techniques better suited to visual / imagery learners, instead of relying on just text reading and learning by rote without "a story" against which to pin or give extra context. 

Adapted learning styles to better suit a student ...can extend the learning experiences of other students along the way too.

The object of time in School is to explore learning techniques which support and stand in good stead the student for both the current knowledge acquisition / development of creative problem solving skills / exam conditions and environment etc., but more to the point: upon which they can draw experience to redeploy in their adult years ahead.

As far as I am aware, there is no prize on offer for "most excellent masking" and as many of us acknowledge: increased social, relationship, medical, or stress demands of future years will be prone to exposing the inability to mask under extra duress.  All the more reason to help young adults to explore, develop and adopt new healthy habits and techniques upon which to exercise and reinforce in later life.

I wish you well for your continued lobbying with the School (who, after all, only see proportion of your Daughter's 24 hours) ...you are the adult informant / expert by experience best placed to share with the School an essence of the remainder of your young person's day.

Dear NAS96052, 

Thank you for sharing this with the Online Community.

You may find the following useful: 

• NAS guidance on masking https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/masking
• Autistic women and girls https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/what-is-autism/autistic-women-and-girls 
• Professional practice article on teaching autistic girls https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/autistic-girls-education 

Please visit our online advice and guidance which explains more about getting extra help in school, assessments, education plans, reviews and school transport for England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/education/extra-help-at-school   

If you require further support, you may like to contact the following regional organisations:  

England  

• Every local area has a Special Educational Needs and Disabilities Information Advice and Support Service that can provide information, advice and support to parents and carers of children and young people with SEND, including on exclusions:  www.kids.org.uk/sendiass  

• Independent Provider of Special Education Advice is a registered charity that offers free and independent information, advice and support to help get the right education for children and young people with all kinds of SEND: www.ipsea.org.uk/   

•  Coram’s Child Law Advice service can be accessed through their website or contacted on 0300 330 5485 from Monday to Friday, 8am – 6pm: childlawadvice.org.uk/.../  

• SOS!SEN offers a free, term-time, national helpline, staffed by a team of volunteers, to provide next step advice and support on questions and issues parents may have relating to their child’s SEN provision: https://sossen.org.uk/services/helpline/ Their helpline number is 0208 538 3731.  

Wales  

• SNAP Cymru provide advice on a variety of issues that a child or young person may encounter during their education www.snapcymru.org/.../  

 Scotland  

• Enquire provide advice about additional support for learning for children attending school enquire.org.uk/   

• Govan Law Centre’s Education Law Unit provide legal advice on the rights of pupils with additional support needs govanlawcentre.org/.../   

 Northern Ireland  

• The Children’s Law Centre provides a free legal advice service and legal representation for children and young people: childrenslawcentre.org.uk/ 

• The NI Commissioner for Children and Young People (NICCY) and their work is focused on making sure children and young people have access to their rights in their day-to-day lives, so they have the best opportunity to reach their full potential https://www.niccy.org/ 

I hope this infromation is helpful. 

Kind regards,
Rosie Mod

Thank you Iain

She is on the waiting list but have been warned it may be up to a 4 years wait.

I have school about masking and my personal experiences but they get very offended and lecture me on how experienced the senco team are!  I just feel very angry that they are telling me, an autistic adult, that masking for over 6 hours is impossible!

We aren't asking for the world, just a little help.

Thank you Iain

NAS96052 said:

unless she has a diagnosis the school are still not helping with her unique needs.

I would push for an autism assessment to get her the help she needs - there is a good guide to it here:

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/before-diagnosis/how-to-request-an-autism-assessment

Autism seems to be primarily genetic so it is worth making sure your daughter is aware that she is probably experiencing some autistic traits (even if she does not meet the threshold for a diagnosis) so she could benefit from understanding it and using techniques to cope with it.

NAS96052 said:

I explained that she masks at school to fit in and the head of senco said thats impossible as no one can mask for 6 hours at school.  Please forgive me but I am sure they can . I masked all day at school and then I masked on 12 hours work shifts. Am I being stupid?

Like you I can mask for days at a time so long as I have a few hours to decompress (I use meditation to rebalance myself). The school seem to have a very flawed understanding of masking and it would pay to put them straight on this front.

If it is within your budget then getting a therapist may be a good idea to help your daughter with developing effecive study techniques and coping with her autistic traits in the short term. Just make sure they are experienced in the areas you are interested in - best to ask about cases they have had success in previously to see if they sound like they are making it up.

Good luck.