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Late Diagnosis with ASD and ADHD

EN20471

Afternoon all

i have just received my formal diagnosis, at 57 - which confirmed what i, and a lot suspected, despite many years of successfully masking symptoms.  I have a stable,very good job and great employer but i have few real friends outside my marriage.  I want to go to some form of talking therapy around the Northampton area where i can share my concerns and apprehensions in a safe non judgemental environment, but have been unable to find such an opportunity.  i have a loving wife who is incredibly supportive but i fear that my condition will eventually tip her over the edge so i am desperate to learn of what i can do to to mitigate my life and improvement my relationship

Does anyone know of such an opportunity?

many thanks 

simon

  • Hi

    I've just contacted a local Autism support charity in my county, use the autism-services-directory as Bunny linked.  I think you search by postcode too

    I'm joining an online workshop the group local to me are running - and they seem to have services geared for us v late diagnosed.  So hope you find a group local to you.  Let us know how you get on.

    There's a monthly zoom call, run by a group in Salford, that I joined last month.  Even though I'm miles away, it was nice to hear and meet others (I didn't have my camera on, but some did), literally a week after I was diagnosed and similar age to you.  If I find the link I will post, or someone else will.

    All the best !

  • Final post, sorry!

    If you would prefer to pay for private therapy or counselling, then places where you can look for providers - preferably having experience of working with neurodivergent clients - include the NAS directory, and/or the BACP, UKCP, or Psychology Today websites:

    NAS - Autism Services Directory

    British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy - Search

    UK Council for Psychotherapy - Find a Therapist

    From a quick look, all three of these seem generate some potentially useful search results in your general area.

    You might also like to consider having therapy or counselling online / remotely. This would obviously hugely widen your options - and potentially also cost a little less.  

  • In respect of your relationship with your wife, I recommend this book. It focuses on helping autistic + neurotypical couples to work on their relationships through improved mutual understanding and communication, complete with exercises that you can both complete and discuss, if you wish:

    Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner

    Note: the book was written when Asperger's syndrome was still an official diagnostic term, whereas this now simply falls under Autism Spectrum Disorder / Condition (ie autism). 

    Caveat: when moving from discussion of one issue / scenario to the next, the author often switches which of the partners is neurodivergent (him / her), which can make it a little confusing until you've worked out who's who each time. But that inconvenience felt well worth the effort to me.

    You and your wife might also find this NAS resource helpful:

    NAS - Family relationships - a guide for partners of autistic people

  • Hi Simon

    Congratulations on your diagnoses and welcome to the community!

    The NAS has a great set of articles focused on "after diagnosis", including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months. You might find them of interest and/or helpful:

    NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis

    NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis including:

    • Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
    • Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
    • Formal support following an autism diagnosis
    • What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

    In terms of what to do next, my advice at this point (ie soon after your diagnosis) would be to try and give yourself some time and breathing space to process and absorb everything that you've been through, and let your feelings settle down. For me, as for many others here, my diagnosis turned out to be much more of the start of a new journey, rather than a conclusion full of ready-made solutions for my various difficulties.  

    Rather than you needing arrange and pay for anything privately, therapy / counselling is often recommended after a diagnosis (in the assessment report) as a follow up action for your GP to arrange. You may also be able to self refer.

    Before arranging anything with the talking therapies team, you might find it first helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful, including me:

    The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

    I have more advice, but will need to split it into a different post to follow shortly - otherwise the spam filters will eat it.