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How do you perceive how others perceive you, vs how they do actually see you?

IndigoMandala

So, 

I kind of perceive myself to others as a shadow. You know when Frodo puts the ring of power on? That's how i view and see in life. Almost like a ghost really....I started to think what people may feel like after a conversation with myself. Being in my presence. I think i would feel abit like......'whoaaah, something IS OFF with this guy!!!' Lol it's funny because I've never had a sense of 'myself' before really.

But, I wore a mask to kind of protect myself. 'Dont think about what other people think of you'......That was my mantra because no people cared about. I was unlovable (both untrue)....and boy did i care what others felt about me. All the goddam time.

Anyway, as i open up abit more. I can see how others can see me a little bit more.

Anyone else have similar thoughts? Or am i nuts lol

Parents

  • I almost long to be invisible and go largely unnoticed.  I struggle daily with low mood and stress that seems to want to overwhelm me. (It's particularly difficult at the moment)

    People see me (or I've been told) as intelligent, dependable, funny and caring. 

    Maintaining my outward appearance often takes more energy than I have to give. I my quieter moments I just sit with my dogs and try to silence or mute my ever churning thoughts.

    I think my wife is aware of my current internal conflict but is leaving me be.

    The " I'm tired boss" quote from The green mile  seems fresh in my mind.

    I'll get over it, I always do. Whether it's SAD time of year or the coming to terms with my recent diagnosis something is weighing on me.

  • in reply to Hergé

    SAD is particularly difficult. Not aure how many of us have this co morbid but it sucks. The low mood on top of everything else isnreally.draining. Especially when you know how hard it is to try and be chirpy around loved ones. Not long too go for the weather to start getting lighter. 

    The internal dialogue is also exhausting but......If.you can,.dont listen too it and be aware that is mainly non sense.

  • in reply to IndigoMandala

    Thanks, it is far easier said than done. I think it would seriously worry the people that are closest to me just how difficult I find existing.

    As you say that the lighter mornings are evenings are slowly on their way.

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