How do you perceive how others perceive you, vs how they do actually see you?

Thanks, it is far easier said than done. I think it would seriously worry the people that are closest to me just how difficult I find existing.

As you say that the lighter mornings are evenings are slowly on their way.

SAD is particularly difficult. Not aure how many of us have this co morbid but it sucks. The low mood on top of everything else isnreally.draining. Especially when you know how hard it is to try and be chirpy around loved ones. Not long too go for the weather to start getting lighter. 

The internal dialogue is also exhausting but......If.you can,.dont listen too it and be aware that is mainly non sense.

You are not nuts.......you are merely becoming aware.

This is good......but difficult!

Im similar mate. I know that look as well lol.....Almost like when you are trying to speak a foreign language and the native speakers are like, eh? I didnt feel incomplete personality wise, i used to think i was 'defected'.....but birds of a deather flock together and unfortunately......we are vwry difficult to work out and be around socially sometimes

I usually think of myself as incomplete. Dunno exactly in which sense (not phisically, that´s for sure), but kind of like my personality is half done or something. Sometimes I think people hate me, or despise me. Other times, they just give me that look, that make me feel like a freak. And I am just doing my best to act normal, so it is unsettling everytime.

I think it seems to be quite common in alot of people. The barriers for myself were almost impossible to stike up conversations and then mental blankness if people did speak. There were odd exceptions were i had people approach me and take their time but mainly, like you said. I felt like an oberving shadow person in a high anxiety state hoping no one actually drew attention to myself. Dressed in black or camo gear for extra invisibility lol

The people who actually matter think I'm funny, kind-hearted and fun to be around. I assume anyway, I've never asked them outright but I have fallen into a habit of relying on that.

Those who don't matter think I'm worse than Hitler (not an exaggeration) but it's their problem.

I suspect people see me as kind and well meaning and liable to put my foot in it.

I'm sort of invisible when it comes to socialising, I don't really do going out, I don't drink alcohol, there's loads of things I can't eat, I often don't feel safe when I'm in places like pubs and I can't hear properly when theres too many people all talking at once. My few friends sometimes ask me out, out of politeness, knowing I will say no, but I'm happy for them to go places without me

Oh and they all think I'm massively intelligent and far more knowlegable than them which I think puts a barrier up between us, but I do get used as a walking google/wikipedia.

I of course torture myself after almost every social interaction looking for things I might have done wrong, that could be misinterpreted and that generaly I'm bad and wrong and shouldn't be let out in public.

I'm hyper aware if something is off in other people but i have no handle on my own. I recognise anxiety and anger, sometimes sadness. Its wild really

I was insanely confident as a kid up to around 10. Had a few kid friends but mainly one (I think people at this point were starting to avoid me).......then i just went into a shell and got my head down to ride out high school. Cant remember most of it. My last two years. Nothing.

Do you realise why that is? All my friends are online but......if i could really make an effort, i definately could have friends.....i just cant be bothered with the drama and effort lol

This is me 100%. The anxiety and intrusive thoughts are there 24/7. I keep a lid on my anger as when i blow it can cause me severe disruption in my life.

I almost long to be invisible and go largely unnoticed.  I struggle daily with low mood and stress that seems to want to overwhelm me. (It's particularly difficult at the moment)

People see me (or I've been told) as intelligent, dependable, funny and caring. 

Maintaining my outward appearance often takes more energy than I have to give. I my quieter moments I just sit with my dogs and try to silence or mute my ever churning thoughts.

I think my wife is aware of my current internal conflict but is leaving me be.

The " I'm tired boss" quote from The green mile  seems fresh in my mind.

I'll get over it, I always do. Whether it's SAD time of year or the coming to terms with my recent diagnosis something is weighing on me.

I used to say that I have no personality and I also practiced expressions in front of a mirror, but then when I saw myself on a video I saw, that the training is not helping. I often don’t understand emotions and avoid dealing with them, and it annoys me a lot if someone gesticulates a lot and puts strong emotions in their speech, I cover my eyes or just leave I can’t listen to them and wonder why they can’t just basically say what they wanna say and that’s it. 

I suspect that everyone not in my immediate family sees me as a very calm and unruffled person, affable and not easily offended, a people pleaser. In reality I am often consumed by anxiety, internally agitated and capable of carrying certain grudges indefinitely. I can also exhibit an explosive temper, not often seen, but volcanic when triggered.

I only have a couple of friends who I meet up with irl. Used to be 3 but now she's got a dog and can't travel and we live in different parts of the country. My partner has a couple of friends that we both see sometimes, but not regularly. So, not a big social circle, but I think I'm lucky to have kept any friends when I'm so bad at replying to messages and being ok to go into town to meet them.

I think it's harder in this day and age to meet new people irl and actually connect. There are possibilities with groups that meet based on interests. My one friend is very into art, which started when she was committed and the psychiatrist sent her to art therapy.

She goes to a couple  of groups/classes regularly and has made friends that way. She's not autistic but has social problems due to schizophrenia and paranoid delusions which are sometimes really bad for her. Classes worked for her to make friends though so might be something to consider. 

IRL I'm not the sort of person that other people like and want to be friends with.

I'm honestly not really sure who I am, or even if I have a solid core of identity. One of my friends said once that her emotions and emotional responses were an important part of her personality and I was a bit baffled. I don't like emotions and see them as untrustworthy, unpredictable things that cloud judgement and make people irrational. I certainly don't see my irritating emotional reactions as part of my personality. They're an inconvenience mainly! My autism assessor mentioned alexithymia though, which might explain why emotions don't make sense to me. Whoever I "really" am, or even if there is a "real" me under all the masks, I am a lot more confident than I was when younger.

I have on/off problems with mirrors, as I don't always trust that my reflection is really me. I use mirrors to practice facial expressions and sometimes I don't think mirror-me copies me accurately. Not helped by the fact I have bipolar and sometimes get hallucinations.

Hygiene is something that's gone full circle for me. I was in a psychologically abusive relationship for a long while (complicated story). With constant criticism of my appearance, dress, cleanliness, smell etc I became a bit obsessive over it. Now I'm free I have come to realise how un-observant most people are when it comes to noticing other people's personal appearance. This allows me to be less worried about it and just ensure I'm "ok" rather than striving for "perfect". I am not a natural "girly" person and am fine with that now. No hair styling, nail polish and never wear makeup. It's nice not to worry about those things and I don't think it's ever really detrimented me that I don't try to look like a model. I'm quite content to be comfortable rather than look "good".

I very much relate to your experience, with maybe a difference that I for years was unable to recognize and name who I actually was, my traits, the only thing I could say about myself was that I’m inferior to others. I had no idea for what reasons. I also heard things from others that amazed me. 
as a teenager I had a very poor hygiene, for various reasons- sensory issues, simply forgetting to shower because I was so consumed by my special interest, thinking it’s not important, fearing to not use too much water and energy. And maybe few others. I had conversations with my granny who tried to explain to me that as a teenage girl I have to look after myself, I asked why, she was confused and said because others will think bad of me, it still wasn’t a reason. Only reasoning that convinced me was that I would feel better in my body if I’m clean. Then after some time I forced myself to make it my routine. 

I've been utterly amazed on the rare occasions when people say what they truly think of me. I spent a lot of time thinking I was a "mess": insecure, shy, awkward, near invisible in social situations, slow to get to grips with new subjects etc etc..  then I got told by an ex-housemate that she thought I was "incredibly strong" and "an inspiration", then from one person at work that I  was "intimidating", and from another that they thought I was an "expert" in certain areas where I considered my knowledge to be quite basic.

It's not weird to me that people see me in different ways, because I "act" (mask) differently depending who I'm around. What does surprise me is that they often seem to have a much more positive view of me compared to my own assessment, which is nice!