How do you perceive how others perceive you, vs how they do actually see you?

I've been utterly amazed on the rare occasions when people say what they truly think of me. I spent a lot of time thinking I was a "mess": insecure, shy, awkward, near invisible in social situations, slow to get to grips with new subjects etc etc..  then I got told by an ex-housemate that she thought I was "incredibly strong" and "an inspiration", then from one person at work that I  was "intimidating", and from another that they thought I was an "expert" in certain areas where I considered my knowledge to be quite basic.

It's not weird to me that people see me in different ways, because I "act" (mask) differently depending who I'm around. What does surprise me is that they often seem to have a much more positive view of me compared to my own assessment, which is nice!

I very much relate to your experience, with maybe a difference that I for years was unable to recognize and name who I actually was, my traits, the only thing I could say about myself was that I’m inferior to others. I had no idea for what reasons. I also heard things from others that amazed me. 
as a teenager I had a very poor hygiene, for various reasons- sensory issues, simply forgetting to shower because I was so consumed by my special interest, thinking it’s not important, fearing to not use too much water and energy. And maybe few others. I had conversations with my granny who tried to explain to me that as a teenage girl I have to look after myself, I asked why, she was confused and said because others will think bad of me, it still wasn’t a reason. Only reasoning that convinced me was that I would feel better in my body if I’m clean. Then after some time I forced myself to make it my routine. 

I'm honestly not really sure who I am, or even if I have a solid core of identity. One of my friends said once that her emotions and emotional responses were an important part of her personality and I was a bit baffled. I don't like emotions and see them as untrustworthy, unpredictable things that cloud judgement and make people irrational. I certainly don't see my irritating emotional reactions as part of my personality. They're an inconvenience mainly! My autism assessor mentioned alexithymia though, which might explain why emotions don't make sense to me. Whoever I "really" am, or even if there is a "real" me under all the masks, I am a lot more confident than I was when younger.

I have on/off problems with mirrors, as I don't always trust that my reflection is really me. I use mirrors to practice facial expressions and sometimes I don't think mirror-me copies me accurately. Not helped by the fact I have bipolar and sometimes get hallucinations.

Hygiene is something that's gone full circle for me. I was in a psychologically abusive relationship for a long while (complicated story). With constant criticism of my appearance, dress, cleanliness, smell etc I became a bit obsessive over it. Now I'm free I have come to realise how un-observant most people are when it comes to noticing other people's personal appearance. This allows me to be less worried about it and just ensure I'm "ok" rather than striving for "perfect". I am not a natural "girly" person and am fine with that now. No hair styling, nail polish and never wear makeup. It's nice not to worry about those things and I don't think it's ever really detrimented me that I don't try to look like a model. I'm quite content to be comfortable rather than look "good".

I'm hyper aware if something is off in other people but i have no handle on my own. I recognise anxiety and anger, sometimes sadness. Its wild really

I was insanely confident as a kid up to around 10. Had a few kid friends but mainly one (I think people at this point were starting to avoid me).......then i just went into a shell and got my head down to ride out high school. Cant remember most of it. My last two years. Nothing.

I used to say that I have no personality and I also practiced expressions in front of a mirror, but then when I saw myself on a video I saw, that the training is not helping. I often don’t understand emotions and avoid dealing with them, and it annoys me a lot if someone gesticulates a lot and puts strong emotions in their speech, I cover my eyes or just leave I can’t listen to them and wonder why they can’t just basically say what they wanna say and that’s it. 

I used to say that I have no personality and I also practiced expressions in front of a mirror, but then when I saw myself on a video I saw, that the training is not helping. I often don’t understand emotions and avoid dealing with them, and it annoys me a lot if someone gesticulates a lot and puts strong emotions in their speech, I cover my eyes or just leave I can’t listen to them and wonder why they can’t just basically say what they wanna say and that’s it. 

I'm hyper aware if something is off in other people but i have no handle on my own. I recognise anxiety and anger, sometimes sadness. Its wild really