What confirmed your own autism suspicions?

I thought, for most of my life, that autism was about silent children not interacting with anyone, rocking in the corner of a room, then the Dustin Hoffman character in 'Rain Man'. As I was nothing like either of these stereotypes, it never entered my head that I might be autistic. Then my daughter was taking cognitive behaviour therapy for anxiety and her therapist suggested that she might be autistic, and, from how my daughter had described me, that I might be as well. This triggered a feverish period of me researching  adult autism, and taking any relevant test I could find. I became absolutely convinced that autism was the best fit for how I am. The most intense discovery was finding that other people cut out every label in clothing, as I had done from the age I could begin to wield a pair of scissors. I had found 'my people'. Following this realisation I sought and received a diagnosis of ASD. My life fully made sense to me for the first time.

My family ethos was very stoical, you just got on with things as best you could. Not that my family were cold or uncaring, quite the opposite. As a result, when I had my autism assessment it was the first time I had consulted any clinician on anything other than physical ailments.

Hello and welcome to the community!

For me, accepting that I’m autistic has been a bit of journey, and I’ve struggled a lot with imposter syndrome. Before my diagnosis, I took so many online tests multiple times, and every single one consistently came out well above the thresholds. Even after being diagnosed, I found it hard to believe I had been properly assessed and often questioned if I’d been misdiagnosed, despite the fact that the assessment itself was very thorough and lasted several hours (as well as the person assessing me was incredibly qualified). I look back now and feel a little stupid for doubting it.

What I’ve come to realise is that much of my imposter syndrome stems from years of being told that my “issues” and struggles to fit in were due to mental health problems. But the treatments and medications never worked, leaving me feeling like I was just broken and unfixable.

What has really helped me accept my diagnosis is spending time around other autistic people and feeling a genuine connection with them. Learning from others on this forum and watching videos from autistic creators on YouTube has also been a huge source of validation and understanding for me.

I probably wouldn’t have ever asked for an autism assessment if it wasn’t for a very good mental health nurse who suggested I could be autistic. I’m grateful to her for making the referral and proud of myself for going along to the assessment even though I was massively doubting it. I live a much happier life knowing I am autistic and being part of the community.

Hello pixie fox. I also scored high on the aq50 test. While in conversation with my GP, we started talking about TV. I told him I watched programmes that helped me understand group dynamics, when i was a kid.. I also love Star Trek. I said I most identified with Mr Data (ho, ho). I suppose if I learned anything from that, was that it's ultimately futile to try and mimic something that you're not and to just be yourself. I am finding this is easier said than done. There's a dichotomy between longing to be able to do what most people do (automatically) and having faith to be the person you actually are, without judgement. Thanks for the reply. 

I would bring up Data, but I feel like that would feed stereotypes of autistic people being “robotic” (although we all know he’s a highly sensitive android with the purest artificial heart).

I love that analogy! Thank you so much for sharing this!

Hi and welcome to the forum.

Scoring 42 on the AQ50 test was a huge clue, but joining this community and finding out that there were others who thought and acted like I did was the biggest confirmation.

I understand the spacesuit analogy, and being unable to really connect with most people. My analogies are Star Trek ones (another big clue to my autistic nature, ha ha!) I think that neurotypical people have this understanding of each other that is almost like the hive mind of the Borg, but we're not connected into it so we have no idea what they might be thinking or feeling. Plus there are many of us who shut down our emotions due to experiencing them overwhelmingly strongly, leaving us dealing in facts and figures and practical solutions, and making us appear a bit like we're Vulcan.

First up: Hi! Good to have you here! I’m also fairly new, but as long as you’re keeping the community rules in mind, there are no traps in posting etiquette, just type out what’s on your mind.

If I’m being honest, my suspicions aren’t confirmed. I’m pretty sure, I have many autistic traits and I relate to the diagnostic criteria, but since I wasn’t able to seek any form of assessment yet, I can’t tell for sure. I like your metaphor and would like to add my favourite one as well:

It’s like getting a savannah elephant and putting it in the desert where it constantly sees the so-called desert elephants (they are actually the same species and just adapted to different environments). The savannah elephant sees the others and they are surviving just fine. But even though they are the same species, the savannah elephant feels out of place. Additionally, nobody knows why it doesn’t get by as well, they are the same species after all. So nobody feels the need to explain anything and just thinks of the outsider as weird and different. Isolated and lonely, the only thing the savannah elephant can do now, is to mimic others as good as it can. He therefore needs much more energy to perform even the most basic tasks and is unable to truly connect to those around him.

I’ve got many others, but I like this one (mainly because I love elephants).