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What confirmed your own autism suspicions?

Violetfred

Hello, I am very new to all this, so please forgive any faux-pa's I make regarding post-etiquette. 

I am awaiting autism  diagnosis on the NHS. I have read up extensively on the classic signs, but I am curious what specifically confirmed it for you.¹ I have made many analogies to people over the years, as I have struggled to find a cause for what I believe is behind my decades-long battle with anxiety and depression. I am 52 years old

It is like you are walking around in a big spacesuit. You can perform basic tasks but are unable to interact with people on an intimate level. They see you, but are unaware you are in this suit. It's frustrating, as you can see people living their lives, while you can only watch. 

This is the best description of how I feel and it is a desperately lonely place to be. I often contemplate the point of it all when It seems an impossible problem to conquer in an ever increasingly complicated world.

Apologies for the ramble, but it would be nice to know I'm not alone.

Parents

  • Hi and welcome .

    I'm 53 and received my diagnosis about a week ago after a lifetime of depression, anxiety and a general feeling of not quite fitting in. I don't have a sense of belonging and that basic human connection is either muted or missing entirely. It can be incredibly isolating.

    During my assessment the assessor asked/wondered why I hadn't been picked up earlier. It's not something I can answer as I don't have a comparison of how I should feel or react, am I so different from the norm?

    An analogy I've used in the past is that my Apple software is running via an emulator on a windows machine, it kind of works but can be a bit glitchy. I just try to figure it out as I go.

    You are definitely not alone.

  • in reply to Hergé

    Hello hergè. The computer analogy is great. I am starting to try and push myself into situations where I meet people. Parkruns, the gym, going into a crowded pub on my own, going on a dating site or ACTUALLY going to a party i am invited to. All situations that fill me with dread. Small victories, but in doing these things, it re-emphasises that I feel like an outsider in the game of life. 

    A colleague asked me if getting an official diagnosis really mattered. 'It's only a label', she said. To me, it would give me a reference to reframe my life so far.

    Thanks for your kind words, and be safe.

  • in reply to Violetfred

    The waiting lists are awful, I was on the NHS list for three years with no end in sight. I ended up going down the "right to choose" route which for me resulted in a assessment and outcome in a matter of a few months. Yes It is a label and you are still the person you were before it's application. This label also brings a degree of closure and reference, it also gives you the option of further exploration. (It did for me).

    I almost envy your bravery, gyms etc fill me with a sense of dread as I prefer to be invisible if at all possible.

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  • in reply to Violetfred

    The waiting lists are awful, I was on the NHS list for three years with no end in sight. I ended up going down the "right to choose" route which for me resulted in a assessment and outcome in a matter of a few months. Yes It is a label and you are still the person you were before it's application. This label also brings a degree of closure and reference, it also gives you the option of further exploration. (It did for me).

    I almost envy your bravery, gyms etc fill me with a sense of dread as I prefer to be invisible if at all possible.

Children
  • in reply to Violetfred

    Frank Zappa's "Finder finder" has some very useful and accurate information about how to handle the small talk part of "dating" albeit delivered in a really cynical way. 

    A good thing to focus on is how to make sure that dating is a fun & enjoyable experience. You know what YOU like and enjoy, but a "winning" DATE requires that the other person also be in an environment and doing what THEY like and enjoy.

    To accomplish that requires "intelligence gathering" hence the "small talk" or emails part of the modern dating experience.

    Your ultimate aim at this point SHOULD be to simply have a nice time with someone new, and NOT (no matter how much society aided by yrou biolgy focusses your attention on such things) to be in a process that leads to making the beast with two backs.

    And It doesn't hurt that making your date really enjoy themselves, (and ideally YOU), improves the odds of that sometimes wonderful human experince happening, by a statistically signifacnt percent. 

    Who said "romance is dead"? ;c)

  • in reply to Hergé

    I always pretended I was invisible in every school I was at. Two years ago, an ex-colleague convinced me to go on a dating website. This filled me with terror. As someone who has never been in a relationship, it was quite overwhelming. The back and forth messaging was hard for me, always analysing if what I wrote was ok. Then I saw a woman's bio', and it all rhymed. I decided I would message future women in amusing verse.......Still no luck (ho, ho)