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What confirmed your own autism suspicions?

Violetfred

Hello, I am very new to all this, so please forgive any faux-pa's I make regarding post-etiquette. 

I am awaiting autism  diagnosis on the NHS. I have read up extensively on the classic signs, but I am curious what specifically confirmed it for you.¹ I have made many analogies to people over the years, as I have struggled to find a cause for what I believe is behind my decades-long battle with anxiety and depression. I am 52 years old

It is like you are walking around in a big spacesuit. You can perform basic tasks but are unable to interact with people on an intimate level. They see you, but are unaware you are in this suit. It's frustrating, as you can see people living their lives, while you can only watch. 

This is the best description of how I feel and it is a desperately lonely place to be. I often contemplate the point of it all when It seems an impossible problem to conquer in an ever increasingly complicated world.

Apologies for the ramble, but it would be nice to know I'm not alone.

Parents

  • Hi and welcome .

    I'm 53 and received my diagnosis about a week ago after a lifetime of depression, anxiety and a general feeling of not quite fitting in. I don't have a sense of belonging and that basic human connection is either muted or missing entirely. It can be incredibly isolating.

    During my assessment the assessor asked/wondered why I hadn't been picked up earlier. It's not something I can answer as I don't have a comparison of how I should feel or react, am I so different from the norm?

    An analogy I've used in the past is that my Apple software is running via an emulator on a windows machine, it kind of works but can be a bit glitchy. I just try to figure it out as I go.

    You are definitely not alone.

Reply

  • Hi and welcome .

    I'm 53 and received my diagnosis about a week ago after a lifetime of depression, anxiety and a general feeling of not quite fitting in. I don't have a sense of belonging and that basic human connection is either muted or missing entirely. It can be incredibly isolating.

    During my assessment the assessor asked/wondered why I hadn't been picked up earlier. It's not something I can answer as I don't have a comparison of how I should feel or react, am I so different from the norm?

    An analogy I've used in the past is that my Apple software is running via an emulator on a windows machine, it kind of works but can be a bit glitchy. I just try to figure it out as I go.

    You are definitely not alone.

Children
  • in reply to Hergé

    Hello hergè. The computer analogy is great. I am starting to try and push myself into situations where I meet people. Parkruns, the gym, going into a crowded pub on my own, going on a dating site or ACTUALLY going to a party i am invited to. All situations that fill me with dread. Small victories, but in doing these things, it re-emphasises that I feel like an outsider in the game of life. 

    A colleague asked me if getting an official diagnosis really mattered. 'It's only a label', she said. To me, it would give me a reference to reframe my life so far.

    Thanks for your kind words, and be safe.