How do you cope with having to spend time with people you don't like?

I would talk to my mom  when he is no where near. Tell her that this is the relationship she has chosen for herself. You have not chosen it for you. You do not like this man. You do not like being around this man. She should know to respect that. You should be more important to her than he is. Your bond should be stronger than the one she has with him. You can't force her to give him up, but you have the right and the choice to say you are not interested in having a close relationship with him. I don't know your age but I would be looking for somewhere else to live and let her now that as well. Your home should feel like your home too. I agree with you, he sounds like bad news and from your description I don't think he has changed, he's just waiting to get back to his real self. Please take care

Thank you for your reply! I completely agree with all of this and I have unfortunately already tried it with no luck. When I have spoken to my mum in the past and asked her not to tell him what I said, she has gone and told him everything that I said. And it never makes any difference anyway, nothing changes. I am a young adult so I do have the option to move out, but I have a dog and he couldn't come with me as I would be in uni accommodation, and no one else except me looks after him or gives him any attention, so I have to stay at home for his sake. I'm hoping that when I graduate in a year and a half, I will be able to get a flat which allows pets and take him with me. I guess I've just got to figure out how to cope until then. Thank you for all of your advice!

Just want to add that it is so important that you surround yourself with people that actually do not like this man, like the family she has distanced herself from and will not permit you talking about him. First of all she is in no right to forbid you that. You're telling the truth. These family members and other people that are strong and maybe been in situations before in their lives or some how got over the information how this all sadly works will not only give you strength but be there for her as well. 

When I was in trouble with the ex I was so young really back then and had no real experience to talk about. BUT my family caught on and they caught on fast. He could manipulate others. We only had a social life with people he so carefully had chosen, people that were weak and that he could manipulate. Anyone who would see through him was not welcomed. 

I got out of the relationship a lot quicker than how it usually goes and I thank God I had a family that were by my side and wanted him as far away from me as possible. They also knew, my sibling remembered the past where as I did not and hadn't been told. 

She is isolating you, she is taking you with her to be his prisoner, you are a prisoner in your own home. He is making the rules. You can't trust her because she actually tells him what you have told her. Does she not realize you want to help her? 

I know of a family where this actually went down: The father was abusive and his wife lost contact with not only her own kids but also his kids. Is that what she wants? 

I have told someone else who chose this, that you know where to find me, you know you're always welcomed, you know I am a call away, day as well as night, but you call me when you have made your decision and stand by it, to leave this man. I did this so she would know I knew and he was not welcomed ever to my doorstep, but if she wanted she was always welcomed. 

Usually it takes about 7 times before it is finally over when an abused woman leaves such a man. It took me 2 times, that was the second time I recognized there was this abusive pattern, and my family did not need to be told anything, they knew. They were ready. 

I know I was lucky to get away when I did and again it was not a long lasting relationship like it usually is. Afterwards I felt ashamed for having been in such a relationship to start with. It took me a long time before I could shape the words to what I had experienced. It was as if I had existed in a fog during the relationship and afterwards and it simply took time before one thing after another was dealt with, in my brain. It can be the same for her. I think in a way the brain tries to protect you and simultaneously the abuser does all these games on you and knows he is taking energy from you and know he is confusing you so it is as if you are functioning on the surface but on the inside you are not yourself. 

Someone else I know have told me after she got out (of a mentally abusive relationship) that she knew now that she had constantly been pushed down and did not have the energy to do more than she did. That she had hope. That she pretended it was something it wasn't. That she felt ashamed to tell us the truth what she was going through and thought that she should say nothing and stand by his side. That sort of sounds like where your mom is at right now, telling you not to tell anyone, but remember this you have your own relationships with the family, don't give that up because of what ever is going on between her and that boyfriend. Try to stay as normal and as strong as you can and do not isolate yourself from the strong people. If she wants to do that for now, that's her choice, but please do not make it yours. I remember when the one I knew that was in the mentally abusive relationship called me, she had lots of other of his friends (that were on his team) but she said the only thought she had was that she had to contact me. He had of course isolated me from her before. I was no favorite as he understood I knew what he was about. I only hugged her and listened to her and we helped her out in her time of need. I did not go "Told you so" and I did not yell at her for not having left sooner. Today she is very happy in a really good relationship with a man who treats her well. 

Just want to add that it is so important that you surround yourself with people that actually do not like this man, like the family she has distanced herself from and will not permit you talking about him. First of all she is in no right to forbid you that. You're telling the truth. These family members and other people that are strong and maybe been in situations before in their lives or some how got over the information how this all sadly works will not only give you strength but be there for her as well. 

When I was in trouble with the ex I was so young really back then and had no real experience to talk about. BUT my family caught on and they caught on fast. He could manipulate others. We only had a social life with people he so carefully had chosen, people that were weak and that he could manipulate. Anyone who would see through him was not welcomed. 

I got out of the relationship a lot quicker than how it usually goes and I thank God I had a family that were by my side and wanted him as far away from me as possible. They also knew, my sibling remembered the past where as I did not and hadn't been told. 

She is isolating you, she is taking you with her to be his prisoner, you are a prisoner in your own home. He is making the rules. You can't trust her because she actually tells him what you have told her. Does she not realize you want to help her? 

I know of a family where this actually went down: The father was abusive and his wife lost contact with not only her own kids but also his kids. Is that what she wants? 

I have told someone else who chose this, that you know where to find me, you know you're always welcomed, you know I am a call away, day as well as night, but you call me when you have made your decision and stand by it, to leave this man. I did this so she would know I knew and he was not welcomed ever to my doorstep, but if she wanted she was always welcomed. 

Usually it takes about 7 times before it is finally over when an abused woman leaves such a man. It took me 2 times, that was the second time I recognized there was this abusive pattern, and my family did not need to be told anything, they knew. They were ready. 

I know I was lucky to get away when I did and again it was not a long lasting relationship like it usually is. Afterwards I felt ashamed for having been in such a relationship to start with. It took me a long time before I could shape the words to what I had experienced. It was as if I had existed in a fog during the relationship and afterwards and it simply took time before one thing after another was dealt with, in my brain. It can be the same for her. I think in a way the brain tries to protect you and simultaneously the abuser does all these games on you and knows he is taking energy from you and know he is confusing you so it is as if you are functioning on the surface but on the inside you are not yourself. 

Someone else I know have told me after she got out (of a mentally abusive relationship) that she knew now that she had constantly been pushed down and did not have the energy to do more than she did. That she had hope. That she pretended it was something it wasn't. That she felt ashamed to tell us the truth what she was going through and thought that she should say nothing and stand by his side. That sort of sounds like where your mom is at right now, telling you not to tell anyone, but remember this you have your own relationships with the family, don't give that up because of what ever is going on between her and that boyfriend. Try to stay as normal and as strong as you can and do not isolate yourself from the strong people. If she wants to do that for now, that's her choice, but please do not make it yours. I remember when the one I knew that was in the mentally abusive relationship called me, she had lots of other of his friends (that were on his team) but she said the only thought she had was that she had to contact me. He had of course isolated me from her before. I was no favorite as he understood I knew what he was about. I only hugged her and listened to her and we helped her out in her time of need. I did not go "Told you so" and I did not yell at her for not having left sooner. Today she is very happy in a really good relationship with a man who treats her well.