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Jealousy, personal space, need to know

Table1

Do you guys know how to go abou this? 

Background I am autistic and suspect very much my husband is too, as well I suspect our child is. 

My husband comes from a family where his father has his issues and his Mother I suspect is autistic. There are some unhealthy ways his father is doing to his wife and family. I think his ways has done som damage to his son, my husband. 

I feel like we have a good marriage for most part, but I notice my husband have this strange jealousy of me which surface when ever he under some sort of strain from his family and by that I mean ultimately his father. 

The jealousy is so weird to me, and when he feels better it is as if it gets better or temporarily goes away. But it always returns. 

Is there something I can do? He can do? It gets stronger in association with his father. As if he gets more alike his son then. Now we are approaching the holidays and I hope he does not get like that, but I dread it.

As he likes order and is a man of habits I do not know how hard it Will be for him to not do this in secret, checking up on me, etc.I think he does it to make him fel more safe in the end of the day.

Parents

  • Update  (if anyone's interested): He says it's his fault and his alone and he does not think we have marital problems, he does not think I am the problem. He says he should if anything be treated alone. He's got his family too telling him to get help (one ADHD).

    He's got medication to treat the anxiety that he can take if he feels like it, that's where he's at for now. 

    He has not tried to isolate me from family or friends, but instead he's always showed them his respect. He sees them as part of me. 

    It is some situations that trigger his alarm system. He explained one time when I was away and it happened unexpectedly he broke down alone because he could not stand it. He had not been "pre-warned" I was gonna go. I remember I stayed in contact with him through it, but he was insisting to talk to me some more. 

    He says he has always had a fear of loosing me. When it's bad he says he can't sleep, eat. 

    He is more suspicious of people and the world than I am and been taught to be. I haven't, not like that. 

    He says it was a recognition and a relief when he took tests to show if he is autistic. 

    In some ways there has been lack of understand and lack of respect on one parent's part for ways that are autistic while I have had the opposite experience he has had growing up in my family where they understood and would not cross boundaries with me. They did not make me feel as if something was wrong with me. That I should feel shame. Nothing of the kind. 

    We love each other so much and our family and on most days things are steady and safe and he don't get like that. Sometimes it is as if when he should feel at most safe when his fear kicks in. He says he feel so safe with me and I'm home to him and where he wants to be always but unfortunately something triggers his alarm system. 

    I am not at all used to having family members that try to reassure where I am and not take my word for it 100% but have some back up system to validate what I say, or family members that feel threaten by what to me are not real threats to me or the relationship, the way he gets. 

    I know anxiety, but I have not had it or anyone in my family has not had it manifest in such ways that he has (and I see one of his parents work the same way with it).

Reply

  • Update  (if anyone's interested): He says it's his fault and his alone and he does not think we have marital problems, he does not think I am the problem. He says he should if anything be treated alone. He's got his family too telling him to get help (one ADHD).

    He's got medication to treat the anxiety that he can take if he feels like it, that's where he's at for now. 

    He has not tried to isolate me from family or friends, but instead he's always showed them his respect. He sees them as part of me. 

    It is some situations that trigger his alarm system. He explained one time when I was away and it happened unexpectedly he broke down alone because he could not stand it. He had not been "pre-warned" I was gonna go. I remember I stayed in contact with him through it, but he was insisting to talk to me some more. 

    He says he has always had a fear of loosing me. When it's bad he says he can't sleep, eat. 

    He is more suspicious of people and the world than I am and been taught to be. I haven't, not like that. 

    He says it was a recognition and a relief when he took tests to show if he is autistic. 

    In some ways there has been lack of understand and lack of respect on one parent's part for ways that are autistic while I have had the opposite experience he has had growing up in my family where they understood and would not cross boundaries with me. They did not make me feel as if something was wrong with me. That I should feel shame. Nothing of the kind. 

    We love each other so much and our family and on most days things are steady and safe and he don't get like that. Sometimes it is as if when he should feel at most safe when his fear kicks in. He says he feel so safe with me and I'm home to him and where he wants to be always but unfortunately something triggers his alarm system. 

    I am not at all used to having family members that try to reassure where I am and not take my word for it 100% but have some back up system to validate what I say, or family members that feel threaten by what to me are not real threats to me or the relationship, the way he gets. 

    I know anxiety, but I have not had it or anyone in my family has not had it manifest in such ways that he has (and I see one of his parents work the same way with it).

Children
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