Hi, I don’t have autism but my long distance partner does. We have been talking every single day for almost 8 months and became a couple 3 months ago. Everything has been amazing . He’s very caring, attentive, when we do meet in person it is intense ,exciting , we do amazing things together, we both completely relax . He’s been very consistent, everyday we talk even when we were just friends, every few days we will have a phonecall. He’s very interested in me and has opened up about alot and let me into his life. I care deeply for him and he says that I’m a very kind person and that’s what he finds attractive about me. I’m also a mother of young children who he really wants to meet one day in the future and be a part of their lives (I’m not allowing it to happen yet though). He’s just everything I could ever want in a man.He’s seems so mature and he’s told me how much he wants to settle down and he told me that as soon as he met me he knew I was the type of person he would be able to settle down with , (unsure why that is , maybe the kids/stability ) he is an older guy , 40s . I’m in my early 30s.
He’s always mentioned that he only sees me and other women are invisible to him and that he chose me. that he doesn’t even notice women etc. He said I’m the most beautiful woman he knows and I have an amazing heart too. I’ve never felt insecure until the last few days however as he’s totally stopped showing me affection . He says he has to focus on his job and switch off emotions. Is that normal for autistic people ?
A few days ago we had a disagreement which caused him a lot of stress and he’s said he’s very close to a breakdown with what I stupidly said , he’s currently away from his home and cant go anywhere to relax . He’s told me he needs space to “reset” and be away from his phone.
So I don’t message him. Which has been tough because we are always updating each other about our days. But he still messaged me this morning checking in, telling me that even though he’s quiet he still cares about me and is thinking about me. And he messaged me this evening too.
But I noticed he’s still been online through the day but he’s not been speaking to me. I thought when people with autism shutdown they isolate from everyone? Not just their partner? or am I the trigger point so he’s shutting off from just me.
So I stupidly made the mistake of questioning him as to whether he had met someone else (because I have had this behaviour in the past from my neurotypical exes where they have ghosted me or led me on and gone quiet/less affectionate because they met someone else and their attention was on them ) and I asked if he still wants the relationship with me, and he went crazy at me . He did not like it at all. Is this crazy reaction a sign of guilt? or have I just made it a whole lot worse.
im hoping to educate myself on autism so I can support and love him the best way I can. I understand that he will shutdown occasionally and go quiet but in any other relationship I’ve been in , the quietness /lack of emotion is not a good sign so I react to it when I probably shouldn’t in this case.
it was going so well. Is there a way I can save this? Is the answer just to leave him alone and hope for the best?
Is there anything I can say or do that might help him calm down?
im determined to change for him , I know I can give him everything he is looking for in life, he wants stability , happiness , a family of his own as he is very isolated /disowned his own.