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Being single on the spectrum

esoteric

Hello I'm new here.  I've been looking for information on how to overcome the stigma of autism and info on the taboo realms of romance, sex and partnership.

I am familiar with the heart breaking reality of being invisible, shunned, perceived as strange or unpleasant.  It's not fair that many are deprived or denied while others can take it for granted.

I am a guy in my mid 30s who is morbidly curious in courtship and sexuality but unable to carry it out due to isolation and limited interpersonal skills.

Also a lack of suitable candidates who are young, healthy, unattached, in good standing and childfree.

It's not the be all end all for me but it would be nice to experience the pleasures of companionship, touch and intimacy such as holding hands, going for walks together, cuddling up on a cold day, sharing interests and learning about each other.

Parents
  • esoteric said:
    Also a lack of suitable candidates who are young, healthy, unattached, in good standing and childfree.

    I'm not sure if you realise but having such a restrictive list as this is going to narrow your pool of potential targets to almost nothing and then you also have all the neurotypicals (typically better appicants than us) also going after this desirable target.

    esoteric said:
    I am a guy in my mid 30s who is morbidly curious in courtship and sexuality but unable to carry it out due to isolation and limited interpersonal skills

    There is quite a lot about this on another recent thread here:

     Being on the spectrum is making me undateable 

    If you want to start engaging with neurotypicals to date them then it will probaby require a lot of effort on your part. - firstly by learning the rules of social interactions so you make less mess ups in the early interactions and secondly by learning to mask effectively to also survive in the dating stages until you can gague if the person is going to be accepting of your peculiarities.

    It will cost a lot of mental energy to mask and make sure you are not breaking the social rules initially but if you find a partner who looks like they would be accepting of your autism then you can slowly let the mask down and be more authentic around them.

    Good luck - it isn't easy so you have to want it enough to make it worth the effort.

Reply
  • esoteric said:
    Also a lack of suitable candidates who are young, healthy, unattached, in good standing and childfree.

    I'm not sure if you realise but having such a restrictive list as this is going to narrow your pool of potential targets to almost nothing and then you also have all the neurotypicals (typically better appicants than us) also going after this desirable target.

    esoteric said:
    I am a guy in my mid 30s who is morbidly curious in courtship and sexuality but unable to carry it out due to isolation and limited interpersonal skills

    There is quite a lot about this on another recent thread here:

     Being on the spectrum is making me undateable 

    If you want to start engaging with neurotypicals to date them then it will probaby require a lot of effort on your part. - firstly by learning the rules of social interactions so you make less mess ups in the early interactions and secondly by learning to mask effectively to also survive in the dating stages until you can gague if the person is going to be accepting of your peculiarities.

    It will cost a lot of mental energy to mask and make sure you are not breaking the social rules initially but if you find a partner who looks like they would be accepting of your autism then you can slowly let the mask down and be more authentic around them.

    Good luck - it isn't easy so you have to want it enough to make it worth the effort.

Children
  • in reply to Iain
    Iain said:
    I'm not sure if you realise but having such a restrictive list as this is going to narrow your pool of potential targets to almost nothing and then you also have all the neurotypicals (typically better appicants than us) also going after this desirable target.

    I'm not sure it's that restrictive. In fact it's probably factors most people use. I mean most people want lovers who are unattached (thankfully). There is a taboo (a stupid one in my opinion) in dating outside of your age range however that tends to skew slightly younger for men looking for woman and vica versa so if 'younger' is just younger than you that's not so restrictive. Most people want partners who are able bodied. It horable but true. Lots of physically disabeled people really struggel to find a mate. So healthy isn't such a rare requirment depending on how you define it. Lots of single chidless men want women without children in fact thats fairly standard. As for in good standing, I've no idea what he even means? Maybe not an ex convict? Again not a rare ask.

  • in reply to Iain

    I wouldn't say it's restrictive, just a set of basic standards that seem to be in decline now, like many things.

    Secondly, I read the other threads and they were depressing to read.  I'm not as butthurt as the other guy and have a somewhat better view of myself.

    I don't feel I have to mask so much and I can cope for as long as I need to. 

    It's just not a buyer's market at this point in time, so to speak.