Dating help

Dear Agness,

Thank you for sharing this with our community. Here is the email of community moderator, in case you would need to contact to: CommunityManager@nas.org.uk

Thanks Agness. I hope this helps.

With all good wishes,

Eunice Mod

I have a number of plutonic relationships with mostly older women who are either teachers or have a nurturing instinct, the lady I met earlier in the year on a dating site is some 12 years older then me and she regards me as her younger brother(I am 64)she was a nurse in her young days!, the other 2 are retired teachers who I met via church, one taught math's, the other art, all are older then me and they are all different characters, but I love them to bits, and with it being purly plutonic there is no friction between them, I went for lunch with my math's friend today, I call her Northern Bell because I call my Southern friend from the dating site Southern Bell, she is married, and was very open about that, I have encouraged her to believe in herself and stand up to her step daughters, she is still married to her husband and we are good friends(often the best way, in a plutonic relationship one can enjoy the company of the other without pressure or commitment), she wears her heart on her sleeve, but is a lovely lady, I am still a vergin and have NO desire to change that, sex is proberbly overated anyway, I did have problems with Northern Bell a few months ago when we both thought the other wanted something NOT on the table and we split, but had a chance meeting in a cafe later and made up (I think my late mum may have had a hand in that, she comes through to me from the other side from time to time.

My art teacher friend made herself known to me one church coffee morning, we got talking about mediums, clarevoyants, and I told her of the paranormal experiances I have had re the passing of my twin, she asked if she coukld hug me and before I could respond she did!!, I was a bit taken aback, but we are friends, she invited me to a spiritualist church in a town nearby that is every 2 weeks and we meet there as well as for coffee mornings, she has in troduced me to a new intrest in life, and it is wonderful to see a medium giving open readings to people, 

as I have said, there is nothing sexual in my relationships, but I think we all prefer it that way,

ask me anything you like, I will help if I can

thank u soo much

My advice would be to try e-mailing the research team during the Monday-to-Friday working week.

The e-mail address definitely exists, as there is another research-related post on these forums that appeared a few days ago, which can be viewed here:

https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/39998/we-are-looking-for-autistic-young-people-and-parents-caregivers-to-take-part-in-our-study-about-self-harm

Yes it seems like the email doesn't exist but maybe it's some kind of technical issues

Agness said:

I couldn't email Community Moderator for some reason.

Just to be clear, was your e-mail addressed to the research team?

Rule 14: No research requests. We do not allow research requests in the Online Community. Direct research requests should be submitted to our Research team at research@nas.org.uk. This rule ensures that privacy and ethical standards are followed.

Moderation action: Research requests will be removed. Users breaching this rule may have their account placed under pre-moderation.

Agness said:

Or does anyone know when can I post my questionnaire?

The way it seems to work here is that if research requests are approved by the research team, the community moderation team will then post on behalf of the person who has submitted the request. It is impossible to know how long this all takes, as we (the members of this online community) are not privy to a lot of what goes on behind the scenes.

It's possible that at the time you submitted your research request, there may have been an issue with the e-mail server. Therefore, the only thing I can suggest is that you try submitting your request again to the research team.

I'm not prepared to answer any questionnaire, but I just want to say something about this.

We often have autistic people posting on here saying they cannot form a relationship. I empathise with them, as I understand it's a lonely situation, but I also know neurotypical people who are lonely and cannot find a partner either. Yes, we have communication difficulties and social anxiety, but NT people don't all get on with each other and also can dislike the trend of online dating and being led along by people they cannot trust. It seems to me that dating is a 21st century problem, not just an autistic one.

I will be completely honest here and say that I am lucky to not have to deal with the dating world. I met my husband when I was in my teens and we've been married over 40 years now. It turns out that we are both on the spectrum, so perhaps that's why we've always been able to empathise and find a compromise with each other. I know some people do make an autistic/NT relationship work, but I believe there is more chance of miscommunication and misunderstanding (the "Double empathy" problem)

The issues with finding a partner are the same as finding friends, you need to find a way to meet & connect with people you have things in common with and can enjoy learning from and sharing experiences. In the "old days" we had no mobile phones, no internet, we had to get out and meet people face to face, and although it might have not been easy we kept trying and we knew that everyone was in the same position, and you often met people through mutual friends/ aquaintances / family members.

The internet can be great in one way, to help us connect with others, but leaves us open to fake profiles and worse. I think that social skills in the real world should be taught properly in schools. Autistic people are capable of learning social rules and bring a lot to a relationship - honesty, reliability and loyalty to name a few, and we can have good relationships. I see the problem as being society, not autistic people.