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Dating help

Agness

Need some help 

Hey everyone! I’m working on a research paper about autism and dating, and I could really use some help from this awesome community. If you’re on the spectrum and have experiences with dating (or even just thoughts about it!), I’d love if you could take a few minutes to fill out a quick questionnaire. 

Someone told me it's against the rules so I don't want to post it here. I couldn't email Community Moderator for some reason. Is there anyone willing to help me out? It is completely anonymous.

Or does anyone know when can I post my questionnaire? 

I aim to address the unique experiences and challenges autistic adults encounter in forming and maintaining romantic relationships. I hope that by bringing more visibility to this topic, I can contribute to reducing the stigma around social and dating struggles within the autistic community. I strongly believe that including adult perspectives is essential for understanding the full range of social interaction challenges, which don’t simply disappear as people age.

Parents

  • I'm not prepared to answer any questionnaire, but I just want to say something about this.

    We often have autistic people posting on here saying they cannot form a relationship. I empathise with them, as I understand it's a lonely situation, but I also know neurotypical people who are lonely and cannot find a partner either. Yes, we have communication difficulties and social anxiety, but NT people don't all get on with each other and also can dislike the trend of online dating and being led along by people they cannot trust. It seems to me that dating is a 21st century problem, not just an autistic one.

    I will be completely honest here and say that I am lucky to not have to deal with the dating world. I met my husband when I was in my teens and we've been married over 40 years now. It turns out that we are both on the spectrum, so perhaps that's why we've always been able to empathise and find a compromise with each other. I know some people do make an autistic/NT relationship work, but I believe there is more chance of miscommunication and misunderstanding (the "Double empathy" problem)

    The issues with finding a partner are the same as finding friends, you need to find a way to meet & connect with people you have things in common with and can enjoy learning from and sharing experiences. In the "old days" we had no mobile phones, no internet, we had to get out and meet people face to face, and although it might have not been easy we kept trying and we knew that everyone was in the same position, and you often met people through mutual friends/ aquaintances / family members.

    The internet can be great in one way, to help us connect with others, but leaves us open to fake profiles and worse. I think that social skills in the real world should be taught properly in schools. Autistic people are capable of learning social rules and bring a lot to a relationship - honesty, reliability and loyalty to name a few, and we can have good relationships. I see the problem as being society, not autistic people.

Reply

  • I'm not prepared to answer any questionnaire, but I just want to say something about this.

    We often have autistic people posting on here saying they cannot form a relationship. I empathise with them, as I understand it's a lonely situation, but I also know neurotypical people who are lonely and cannot find a partner either. Yes, we have communication difficulties and social anxiety, but NT people don't all get on with each other and also can dislike the trend of online dating and being led along by people they cannot trust. It seems to me that dating is a 21st century problem, not just an autistic one.

    I will be completely honest here and say that I am lucky to not have to deal with the dating world. I met my husband when I was in my teens and we've been married over 40 years now. It turns out that we are both on the spectrum, so perhaps that's why we've always been able to empathise and find a compromise with each other. I know some people do make an autistic/NT relationship work, but I believe there is more chance of miscommunication and misunderstanding (the "Double empathy" problem)

    The issues with finding a partner are the same as finding friends, you need to find a way to meet & connect with people you have things in common with and can enjoy learning from and sharing experiences. In the "old days" we had no mobile phones, no internet, we had to get out and meet people face to face, and although it might have not been easy we kept trying and we knew that everyone was in the same position, and you often met people through mutual friends/ aquaintances / family members.

    The internet can be great in one way, to help us connect with others, but leaves us open to fake profiles and worse. I think that social skills in the real world should be taught properly in schools. Autistic people are capable of learning social rules and bring a lot to a relationship - honesty, reliability and loyalty to name a few, and we can have good relationships. I see the problem as being society, not autistic people.

Children
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