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I lost a friend today

Stu

He says I've changed and he doesn't like the person I've become. I was diagnosed back in April and stopped masking. Saying what's on my mind more. Due to work commitments on my wife's part and stuff going on with one of my kids I couldn't fly abroad to his wedding. 

He got very nasty about it. Took it very personally. Truth was I was scared to go I suppose. 

Things have been on and off and rocky for the last six months or so but today he told me he doesn't like me anymore and strongly implied that I'm faking my autism, that I somehow rigged the assessment in my favour, all because I don't want to get a job. 

I'm temporarily not working but it's because my daughter is home educated. It's nothing to do with my autism. 

I know diagnosis leads to loss of friendship. Is this a common story?

  • in reply to boaty

    I haven't got the energy to mask anymore. Any friends I made when masking aren't real friends unless they're still here after the mask slips. That's the test. 

  • A sad tale. It sounds like not flying abroad for the wedding was the right call, even if the fallout is causing you pain and disappointment. Looking after yourself and family matters most. 

    Unmasking is a tricky thing. I'm beginning to work out what this looks like for me. I reflected recently that my masked self is more likeable (to me and others) than any unmasked version, but the cost is too high. So trying to work out what I can let slip... I think it'll be generally about accepting my low capacity, impressing this on others, and holding myself together when people don't react well

  • in reply to Take5

    Thanks. He'll say I've changed, become selfish and think the world owes me. I was saying some crazy stuff when I got my diagnosis but I was just venting. When I calmed down I realised I didn't feel that way. 

    But that, coupled with the fact I didn't go to his wedding was too much for him I guess. 

    Nah. All I did was be me. In telling me he finds me unpleasant, all I'm seeing is how unpleasant he is. 

  • Hi, I too am sorry you lost a friend but as Lucy said is he really a friend if he doesn’t accept who you are and the fact that you confided in him to reveal your diagnosis. Friends are supposed to be supportive and not try to invalidate you. 
    I don’t really have a bestie anymore as we parted ways several years ago, it was over him being selfish and aggressive towards me. The aggression I can put down to a temporary thing but selfishness is something I feel very strongly about.

    If you ever need to chat everyone here are fantastic listeners and give good advice so stick around. 

    I am sure once you get your head around it you will feel better for perhaps not having them around, at least then you can go about your business without the masking and pleasing others.

    Take care!!

  • in reply to LucyLandRover

    Yeah. Accuses me of making everything about me. I can see it now. 

  • Hello, I am sorry to learn you have lost a friend but given the description of him, I feel you are better off without him in your life. What friend would accuse you of faking your autism instead of being supportive? Ninety seven percent of autistics are unemployed, the highest amongst all disability's. I am lucky to have good and supportive friends. True friends in your life will be there for you.