How to handle large life changes

Emily123 said:

the mere thought of it sends me into a spiral.

I find that rationalising it helps me a great deal.

Write up a list of the pros and cons of each situation, marking up which are really important to you and order them by importance - if the new job is not a clear winner then stay where you are and find a better way to make it work for you.

Once you have made the decision then:

Harold_X said:

Plan everything out,

This is key as it gives you control of the one area you have the ability to work on. Plan all the following (plus anything else you can think of):

- How to get there. Travel the route a few times until you know it and the alternatives like the back of your hand. You know how long it takes and how busy it will be so you are confident of arriving without this draining you in the morning.

- what to wear. Check the dress code and check your wardrobe is suitable for this. Nothing like going into a formal wear environment when you only have cargo pants and t-shirts. Ask the hiring manager about this.

- what skills do you need to polish before starting. Give yourself time to get them dusted off and up to date.

- read up on how to make small talk - it is pretty basic but for some reason most autists will not learn how to do it. It is a form of masking but this will be needed when starting in a new job so you are not seen as weird from day 1.

- make notes on your new colleagues and key contacts. Note stuff they talk about (especially non work stuff) and this should give you ammunition for small talk later on.

- plan to take time off between jobs to recharge as the new job will be quite taxing on your mental energy levels. Also allow lots of evening and weekend time free to recharge once you start.

- educate yourself on the probation process used by the new company so you can sail through it.

- get details of your old work pension scheme to be able to transfer it to the new employer when you pass probation.

That's all I can think of for now.

I wouldn't do this and move to get your own place all at the same time - that seems overload.

Emily123 said:

the mere thought of it sends me into a spiral.

I find that rationalising it helps me a great deal.

Write up a list of the pros and cons of each situation, marking up which are really important to you and order them by importance - if the new job is not a clear winner then stay where you are and find a better way to make it work for you.

Once you have made the decision then:

Harold_X said:

Plan everything out,

This is key as it gives you control of the one area you have the ability to work on. Plan all the following (plus anything else you can think of):

- How to get there. Travel the route a few times until you know it and the alternatives like the back of your hand. You know how long it takes and how busy it will be so you are confident of arriving without this draining you in the morning.

- what to wear. Check the dress code and check your wardrobe is suitable for this. Nothing like going into a formal wear environment when you only have cargo pants and t-shirts. Ask the hiring manager about this.

- what skills do you need to polish before starting. Give yourself time to get them dusted off and up to date.

- read up on how to make small talk - it is pretty basic but for some reason most autists will not learn how to do it. It is a form of masking but this will be needed when starting in a new job so you are not seen as weird from day 1.

- make notes on your new colleagues and key contacts. Note stuff they talk about (especially non work stuff) and this should give you ammunition for small talk later on.

- plan to take time off between jobs to recharge as the new job will be quite taxing on your mental energy levels. Also allow lots of evening and weekend time free to recharge once you start.

- educate yourself on the probation process used by the new company so you can sail through it.

- get details of your old work pension scheme to be able to transfer it to the new employer when you pass probation.

That's all I can think of for now.

I wouldn't do this and move to get your own place all at the same time - that seems overload.