How to handle large life changes

Hi Emily,

It's great you felt comfortable to share your situation.

It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed when considering a big life change especially after being in the same job for over a decade. Making a big switch can be daunting, but it’s important to remember that you’re not alone in feeling this way. One approach I've found helpful is to break down the change into smaller, more manageable steps.

Instead of focusing on the entire process of quitting and starting anew, start by exploring your options. Research potential jobs in your field, update your resume, or even reach out to friends for informational interviews. This way, you can ease into the idea without the pressure of a sudden leap.

Additionally, you could consider setting a timeline for yourself if you think that will help. Give yourself time to gather information and build your confidence up, give you more time to see what you might fancy doing. You might also want to talk to a career counsellor or therapist who can provide tailored advice and support as you navigate these feelings.

Lastly, remember to lean on your support network whether that's friends and family or us aliens on here ^^ can provide encouragement and remind you of your strengths. Change can be scary, but it can also open doors to new opportunities that may lead to greater happiness. Take it one step at a time, and trust that you have the ability to create the life you want.

And most importantly believe in yourself. You've got this!

Well now.  HOW EXCITING !  I do appreciate that it might feel petrifying(ish) to you, but if you have built up enough-of-a-head-of-steam to be able to write that "I have been really miserable with my job and wish to quit." ...... then this is already a foregone conclusion I suspect.

It is really cool that you are "asking before jumping" - I believe that ALL+EVERY piece of good advice regarding this type of matter is = don't do anything RASH now !!

You are very new here, I note?  May I ask why you have sought the advice of this community?  Personally (for what it is worth,) I found this community immensely helpful to me at a time of VERY profound change......so there is a god/fair/reasonable chance that some of the souls here might be able to empower you to reach your best conclusions on these matters.

To put that another way - if we can help, I'm sure we will - and if we can't help, it is really positive that you are looking for help with this.

Best of luck to you, in any event.

Number.

I have less practical advice to offer than the contributions below. Change is hard and may not come unless externally pushed. However, nothing will change in your life if you allow it to continue as is. I think sometimes our "sort" can have difficulty with foresight as there are just too many options to consider and sameness gives certainty. Real change is uncertain and I also think we can have difficulty trusting our instincts as we more often than not ignore them due to masking or putting up with unsuitable environments and situations. There's a balance to be found in putting yourself into uncomfortable situations in order to grow and doing things which don't feel natural.

If or when you do make changes understand that it'll be difficult but you will acclimatise in time and learn more about yourself.

Emily123 said:

the mere thought of it sends me into a spiral.

I find that rationalising it helps me a great deal.

Write up a list of the pros and cons of each situation, marking up which are really important to you and order them by importance - if the new job is not a clear winner then stay where you are and find a better way to make it work for you.

Once you have made the decision then:

Harold_X said:

Plan everything out,

This is key as it gives you control of the one area you have the ability to work on. Plan all the following (plus anything else you can think of):

- How to get there. Travel the route a few times until you know it and the alternatives like the back of your hand. You know how long it takes and how busy it will be so you are confident of arriving without this draining you in the morning.

- what to wear. Check the dress code and check your wardrobe is suitable for this. Nothing like going into a formal wear environment when you only have cargo pants and t-shirts. Ask the hiring manager about this.

- what skills do you need to polish before starting. Give yourself time to get them dusted off and up to date.

- read up on how to make small talk - it is pretty basic but for some reason most autists will not learn how to do it. It is a form of masking but this will be needed when starting in a new job so you are not seen as weird from day 1.

- make notes on your new colleagues and key contacts. Note stuff they talk about (especially non work stuff) and this should give you ammunition for small talk later on.

- plan to take time off between jobs to recharge as the new job will be quite taxing on your mental energy levels. Also allow lots of evening and weekend time free to recharge once you start.

- educate yourself on the probation process used by the new company so you can sail through it.

- get details of your old work pension scheme to be able to transfer it to the new employer when you pass probation.

That's all I can think of for now.

I wouldn't do this and move to get your own place all at the same time - that seems overload.

I have had this as growing up we had to constantly move house because that's how dad liked to make money. What you need to do is be as organised as possible. Plan everything out, think things through, and hopefully this will give you more confidence. Could you do a trial day at your new job or something similar so you can see what it would be like? It is difficult, but there's only one way to go - set the goal, make the plan, and then work towards it.