What do i do?

Hi Blue Panda,

That sounds really rubbish.

I don't know if it makes it better or worse to say I've heard lots of things like that before?  On one hand  suppose it might make you feel like you're not the only one gong through it, but at the same time sound like an problem that is perpetual and never ending.

First off, no *** - learning to drive by yourself, that's an incredibly task.  I shared a word with my NeuroD daughter who we are home schooling - autodidact, I like that word.  Maybe because it makes you sound like a dinosaur, but mainly because such a thing exists, someone who teaches themselves.  The schooling system works for many because it's easy, but for a significant chunk of us NeuroD's is serve to suggest we're useless, don't fit in and deconstructs our self-respect.

Maybe why you are, physically and mentally, where you are now? maybe

If you had to write a shopping list of what you'd like out of life by the time you're 32 what would it be?

If the answer is - I DON'T KNOW - then that is a perfectly reasonable place to start.

After that, perhaps someone can provide you with some suggestions about taking some baby steps towards a life you feel proud of.

Thank you. Learning to drive i found the actual driving easy, But the stress of the exams and having to talk to others i struggled with so i ended up having a pen and paper to write my answer down and thankfully he accepted that! I think it also helps that i enjoy learning about cars and their specs etc so me and your daughter relate. 

As for the shopping list thing, I literally just want to be “normal” in the sense i have a home of my own, and a job i can even if its part time and one day a week i’d be proud i managed to get there. Other than that i have no idea, I just dislike hearing people speak badly of me and i can’t speak to them and defend myself because if they knew maybe they’d understand. 

thank you 

Ok, I hear you.

I want to give you some of my credentials, not because of arrogance, but just because I think it's easier to take advice when you feel the person giving it has some understanding of how things are.

I've worked for 7 years in SEND education where I worked with 18+ young adults getting them into employment; I have for the last 5 months been working in Children's Sevices within my local council doing a similar job with both NueroD and NeuroT young people who have left the Care System are now facing a world of complex challenges based on the difficulties they experienced within the Care System.

As such working with young adults and helping them towards independence has been an important aspect of my work.

I completely understand the desire for a feeling of "normality" - I won't bore you with the countless attempts throughout life I have manufactured trying to feel normal, trying to find an accomplishment or a material possession that'll make me feel proud. I know the types of feelings you describe.

Getting Out Of Home: This was  a big thing for me, I hated living at "home" which was no home at all and couldn't wait to leave, the route I took was to go to university.  Despite not being rich (very working class council house family) or academic (I left school with 3 GCSEs) I managed to do it.

I had no interest in education, I did it to get out and go to a city I wanted to live in. Uni route might not be for you, but I wanted to include this as if you were looking at getting out of home and weren't able to walk straight into a property, there are other ways to go about it. 

Employment: Getting a job can be difficult depending on the local jobs market, and your very first job can be incredibly tricky.  I would recommend with extreme enthusiasm volunteer work.  Although there are lots of options within the sector, Charity shops are a way in which you can meet good people and be in a sector which offers a chance of transitioning into paid employment in retail.

Your goals are really DO'ABLE it's not like you're asking for a gold plated unicorn, I definitely think you can do this.

Taking first steps are hard - how would you feel about asking in a local Charity shop for a job?

I think in terms of early WINS, doing something which feels like you're making progress, this would really help.

But, if this doesn't feel right, let me (and everyone else!) know - there's lots to think about and try

We have very similar worries and similar lives (sort of) so its nice to know we are  not alone in this :) 

We have very similar worries and similar lives (sort of) so its nice to know we are  not alone in this :)