What do i do?

We have very similar worries and similar lives (sort of) so its nice to know we are  not alone in this :) 

Hello, thanks for the talk. I was not able to do well in my gcses as i only sat 3 and i achieved 1. I have gotten equivalent gcse qualifications (but not gcse) sat them online. I can’t attend uni because i dont have anything they want, I was looking at apprenticeships in the non-public focussed sector and ive not been succesful. I did do really well when i volunteered at a dog groomers, and i wanted that as a career. I can’t find out how to get qualified as an adult in that, So i started volunteering with horses at a sanctuary until i was “”fired”” because i was “”to literal and didn’t understand much so i was making members of staff uncomfortable”” I gave up at that point and then became agoraphobic. 
I’ve been taking small steps to sort that and getting my license was a big step! 

Im still looking for volunteer positions because while im not qualified it gets me out and into a “work routine” but also proves im willing to learn and could be a foot in the door. 

I had a difficult childhood regardless of the autism, i think thats possibly where most of my issues stem rather than the autism itself. 

Wow! Just reading this is interesting to me. I have posted up a post about my worries etc and the only thing I am really enjoying is working in a Charity Shop called Barnardo’s. My grandad went to Barnardo’s when he was younger and so did his brother so I have that connection.

But apart from that I’m lost in my life too (more detail on my post).

Ok, I hear you.

I want to give you some of my credentials, not because of arrogance, but just because I think it's easier to take advice when you feel the person giving it has some understanding of how things are.

I've worked for 7 years in SEND education where I worked with 18+ young adults getting them into employment; I have for the last 5 months been working in Children's Sevices within my local council doing a similar job with both NueroD and NeuroT young people who have left the Care System are now facing a world of complex challenges based on the difficulties they experienced within the Care System.

As such working with young adults and helping them towards independence has been an important aspect of my work.

I completely understand the desire for a feeling of "normality" - I won't bore you with the countless attempts throughout life I have manufactured trying to feel normal, trying to find an accomplishment or a material possession that'll make me feel proud. I know the types of feelings you describe.

Getting Out Of Home: This was  a big thing for me, I hated living at "home" which was no home at all and couldn't wait to leave, the route I took was to go to university.  Despite not being rich (very working class council house family) or academic (I left school with 3 GCSEs) I managed to do it.

I had no interest in education, I did it to get out and go to a city I wanted to live in. Uni route might not be for you, but I wanted to include this as if you were looking at getting out of home and weren't able to walk straight into a property, there are other ways to go about it. 

Employment: Getting a job can be difficult depending on the local jobs market, and your very first job can be incredibly tricky.  I would recommend with extreme enthusiasm volunteer work.  Although there are lots of options within the sector, Charity shops are a way in which you can meet good people and be in a sector which offers a chance of transitioning into paid employment in retail.

Your goals are really DO'ABLE it's not like you're asking for a gold plated unicorn, I definitely think you can do this.

Taking first steps are hard - how would you feel about asking in a local Charity shop for a job?

I think in terms of early WINS, doing something which feels like you're making progress, this would really help.

But, if this doesn't feel right, let me (and everyone else!) know - there's lots to think about and try

Thank you. Learning to drive i found the actual driving easy, But the stress of the exams and having to talk to others i struggled with so i ended up having a pen and paper to write my answer down and thankfully he accepted that! I think it also helps that i enjoy learning about cars and their specs etc so me and your daughter relate. 

As for the shopping list thing, I literally just want to be “normal” in the sense i have a home of my own, and a job i can even if its part time and one day a week i’d be proud i managed to get there. Other than that i have no idea, I just dislike hearing people speak badly of me and i can’t speak to them and defend myself because if they knew maybe they’d understand. 

thank you 

Dear Blue_Panda,

Thank you for sharing this with our community. As a starting point, you may wish to read over our information on benefits: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/benefits-and-money/benefits 
 
You can also find more information on benefits through the Citizen’s Advice website: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/ 

You may want to take a look at our page about seeking work: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/employment/seeking-work/autistic-adults

Thank you, Blue_Panda. I hope this helps!

Warm regards,

Eunice Mod

Hi Blue Panda,

That sounds really rubbish.

I don't know if it makes it better or worse to say I've heard lots of things like that before?  On one hand  suppose it might make you feel like you're not the only one gong through it, but at the same time sound like an problem that is perpetual and never ending.

First off, no *** - learning to drive by yourself, that's an incredibly task.  I shared a word with my NeuroD daughter who we are home schooling - autodidact, I like that word.  Maybe because it makes you sound like a dinosaur, but mainly because such a thing exists, someone who teaches themselves.  The schooling system works for many because it's easy, but for a significant chunk of us NeuroD's is serve to suggest we're useless, don't fit in and deconstructs our self-respect.

Maybe why you are, physically and mentally, where you are now? maybe

If you had to write a shopping list of what you'd like out of life by the time you're 32 what would it be?

If the answer is - I DON'T KNOW - then that is a perfectly reasonable place to start.

After that, perhaps someone can provide you with some suggestions about taking some baby steps towards a life you feel proud of.