Newly diagnosed & flailing

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Thanks, Pixiefox. Yes, it's a steep learning curve, isn't it? I only found out 3 months ago so i'm still catching my breath, so-to-speak. I've got nearly 7 decades of lived experience to put into context, which i'm aware will take some doing, but i've made a start, i think. Reading all the posts here, i see i'm not alone in this, which is good for me. Thanks very much for getting in touch.

It's just a pet theory i've entertained, & expanded on over the years, based on very little verifiable evidence. This 'golden age' is a series of 5yr cycles beginning with bebop, then evolving through R 'n' B, rock and roll, the British beat boom, psychedelia, glam/art rock/progressive, punk, post punk/new romantic, rap & hip hop/sampling technology, and ending with grunge in the early 90s. There have been many good bands/solo artists since then, but no truly transformative evolutions in music. Each of those cycles could be categorised as broadly tribal, with adherents shunning what came before and, in the mainstream at least, being suspicious of what came after. I haven't included britpop simply because it was primarily a UK phenomenon which i felt harked back to the 1960s. I have to stress though that this is all just one man's (unsubstantiated) opinion, based on little more than lived experience, so please take it with a very large pinch of salt.

I couldn't have put it better myself :) Nice one

Hi Martin and welcome, I only got back into the forum yesterday after being locked out due to the upgrade so I have only just seen your post.

The most important thing I think is to remember that you are still the same person you always were, it's only your perception of your identity that has changed. Realising that I was on the spectrum led me to learn so much that helped, so my only advice really is to read everything you can about autism and how it affects adults, and keep reading posts on here and asking questions.

Good luck with your journey.

Hi there, Retired Teacher. Like you, i truly wish i'd found this out years ago. When i think of the broken relationships, the missed opportunities and bad decisions, it saddens me. Who knows now, but maybe i found the right person for me and threw away my chance. Well, there's no point in dwelling on what-ifs; now it's time to look forward while i still can, if i can. I'm just fortunate that i have such a good counsellor: she's gone above-and-beyond in helping me.

You're right, i don't think anyone has set out to be callous or insensitive, though whether it's ignorance of autism, or something else, i don't know, although the following example might be illustrative: i've recently returned from a 3wk motorhome holiday across Europe with a cousin; on our 2nd night out he told me to stop talking about my autism, so my holiday (1st in over a decade) became a rolling cascade of triggers that i had to keep to myself. He simply didn't want to engage. This i've found with everyone i've mentioned it to. Ignorance can be overcome by asking questions, which nobody i know has bothered to do. I'm resilient though, and self-sufficient, and have learned to live as a man alone. Never married, no children, just me. It has been tough, but liberating and very educational.

All the best to you.

what happened in '94? (partly joking but am interested why that is considered the boundary)

It's nice to meet someone who was older than I was when I got my diagnosis. I was 60 when I was clinically diagnosed. That was four years ago. As you might imagine, I had a long series of ah-hah moments as I reflected upon my life and retroactively saw why I had made some of the personal and career decisions that I had made. It was a liberating momement. My only regret is that I would have liked to have known this much earlier in my life. 

As with you, niether friends nor family were much interested in talking to me about my diagnosis. I don't think they meant to be callous and insensitive. I suspect their reacton was one of ignorance in not knowing what autism was and/or how to respond. 

Here is a link to a free HIPAA compliant AI mental health chatbot. It might help to talk out your problems. 

This site also exists for people like us. If you have a specific question or concern, feel free to post it at this site. 

I first saw it as a kid (one of the advantages of being my age is that i lived through part of that cultural Golden Age that lasted 1945-93.) I didn't appreciate it at the time - too much talking! - but now, yes, it's a classic.

I know what you mean about 'in the round'. They make my skin crawl. Take care, Clarkie, and all the best to you. Good luck finding 'I Claudius'. It's worth it!

I watched that a few years ago. It's a classic.

Hi there. It is good, isn't it? At first i thought i hadn't made a good impression on anybody (that upgrade, probably) but a lot of people like your good self have since said 'hi'. It all helps, because this 'cloak of invisibility' i seem to be wearing has left me feeling pretty isolated, from doctors, official bodies (even my local NAS branch told me to come here when i phoned them, despite the ostensibly supportive information they give on a link i found, curiously enough, on this very site) and all my so-called friends and family. The closest anyone i know has come to engaging with me so far is, "good, now you can move on with your life". Helpful, huh? Is it the same for you?

I know what you mean re remoteness on socials, but the facebook autism groups are even more supportive and responsive than in here (I don't use FB for personal/family stuff). Each of us to our own, of course!

That rings true for me re crowds and I don't like sudden unexpected noises, but I love a live gig. I am happiest when all my senses are engaged at once and gigs can do that for me. They are the most joyful experiences.

I'll have to find I Claudius - I was too little to watch it but I'd love to see it now. If you have access to Netflix 'Those about to Die' is superb in location and costume detail.

The only things in Derbyshire are talking groups: I just can't get on with those 'in the round' situations *shudders*. I think I'm going to try and see my GP and ask what is there. Nice chatting to you Martin. 

One of my 'things' is that i dislike social media (it's the remoteness, for me, though i can get along with sites like these, to an extent.) I'm very much a physical world sort of person - i crave face-to-face contact, although i can't easily deal with groups of more than four people. I'm okay in large crowds, and i like the noise at concerts, though percussive sounds out of context (bouncing balls, for eg) freak me out.

Funnily enough, i recently found the dvd boxed set of 'I, Claudius', which i'm currently eking out, a few episodes per day. It's great. I have a love of history and have read fairly extensively around the Roman republic/empire, albeit my memory is so bad (another autistic thing?) that i often forget much of what i read, which probably explains why i do so badly in exams.

Have you access to voluntary counselling in Derbyshire? I found my counsellor through a volunteer charity. Perhaps that's an avenue you could explore?

Hi Martin - I don't know how I missed this message at the time (having no access for a few days after the upgrade, probably). Anyway, no advice, but quite similar situation. This place is pretty good.

Thanks Martin, you're clearly a positive person (I believe I am usually too) so that will help you! I'm in Derbyshire, where adult services for neurodivergency is sparse at best and actually non-existent for ADHD, which I also have. I do believe we're augmented too - I have a lot of skills I don't think I'd have if I was "normal". I've found a lot of moral support via facebook groups for autism, including regional groups. Have you tried looking there? I've always loved that Latinate phrase by the way (one of my hyperfocus areas is ancient Rome).

Hi Clarkie. Thanks for your kind words. The great thing about this thread, for me, is that we empathise - going through very similar experiences means we know intimately how each other feels. I don't know where you are, but i hope there are counselling services nearby: mine is a godsend (it was my counsellor who first saw the signs, then helped me through the long wait & assessment.) Although i've quickly come to understand how people with (other) disabilities feel - the outside world pretends we don't exist, or worse, expect us to act as though we're 'normal' - i actually feel like i've been given something extra, even if i don't know how to exploit it yet. We're not 'less than', we're augmented. We have other strengths in our arsenal.

Non illegitimum carborundum.

Hi, NAS96238. Thanks very much for your thoughts. I hope you get your diagnosis much more quickly than i did (it took 2yrs from application to assessment.) You seem to have your head in the right place - it's all about patience, i've found, and not expecting help from any quarter. My gp has no idea of how to help, and all i've heard from other sources is, 'check out our websites for tips and advice', very little of which pans out in reality.

But one thing i've found is that there's a lot of solace to be taken from everybody's replies here. We may be living this individually, but collectively we understand one another, which certainly helps me.

One day at a time. It took me 66yrs to find out who i am, and i don't expect all the answers to come at once. I am learning to be more forgiving of myself, for one thing; just knowing that i couldn't have reacted any other way to my experiences in life is a big help. I am who i am, which seems a very good place to begin.

All the best to you, and i hope your journey's an easy one.

Sorry to hear this Martin - for yourself and for the rest of us. I've been diagnosed over a year (56 here) and I've not even had a counsellor! You're at least one up on me. I've tried and tried to find help so I am following your thread to see if someone has something positive and useful: particularly as I'm currently going through a very rough patch and would benefit from some - any - support. Good luck to you.

Oh my! I'm in my early 60s and on the waiting list. I guess I may be diagnosed when I'm roughly your age. I am gradually re-evaluating my life and it's quite mindblowing. Things certainly don't become easier as soon as you realise that you are autistic (with or without diagnosis). I have to tell myself to be patient - I hope that things may get a bit better day by day, month by month, as I gradually learn more about myself and how I can be more myself with other people. Realistically, I don't personally expect too much from friends and family, as it's going to be even harder for them to work out than it is for me.

Number one tip from me is to try and be patient and kind with yourself and others. Also don't hesitate to spend time just doing what you personally like without reference to anyone else and enjoy every moment of those times. Be happy when you can and affirm yourself.