Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I've been recently diagnosed with high-functioning autism as an adult (I'm in my mid-forties), and I am struggling to understand how to move on with my life and make things better for myself and the people around me. Therapy is helping me to reconsider who I am and how I respond to my challenges, but I feel like I don't really have a plan for the future.
On the one hand, a diagnosis is great because it helped me understand that most of the issues I've faced during my life have a cause: the very precise feeling of being different from everyone else, which makes being in a social situation a nightmare; the tendency to isolate myself and use my special interest to create an alternative world where I can lose myself and feel comfortable; the discomfort I've felt at work. It's nice to see that there always was an objective issue, and it's not just me being lazy, difficult, or plain stupid.
On the other hand, I am quite exhausted by all this, and I'm quite scared by the prospect of living in the same way as I always have, until the end of my days. Being alone used to be a relief, but it has turned into a prison. I'm aware you can't simply switch autism off, you have to accept it, but I'm really hoping I can find ways to work around my limitations.
So I wanted to ask the community, has any of you been diagnosed with ASD as adults, and managed to turn their lives around (or at least, make some progress) following that realization? Do you have any success stories, advice, strategies, that you would like to share?
I actively sought out a diagnosis at 59, just after I had taken early retirement. My experience of being diagnosed was almost entirely positive. From thinking that all my problems were purely personal, and personal failures at being a fully functioning human being, I found that I had a genuine, external, if you will, cause for how I am. This was a huge relief. Rather than being a rather weak allistic person, I was an incredibly strong autistic person, overcoming on a daily basis problems that just did not exist for the vast majority of people in the world.
Do you need a plan? I know some people need one, but some of us don't and if you're someone who thinks they ought to have a plan, rather than actually wanting one, not having one is quite liberating, you can make your days up as you go along, life becomes more organic.
This is a chance for a reset, to start exploring where you need to be for the next X number of years, lot's of people seem to want to retrain for work, or take up new hobbies and interests and stop others. This is a growth period, not one where avenues are closed off to you.
I've become more ruthless in getting people out of my life who wear me out, try to take advantage of me, play me of against others etc. Thats made a huge difference to how I feel about myself and life, I don't feel I have to have certain people around because of other people or social expectations.
I think things have gone downhill for me too.
I am on just over a year from my diagnosis and so far its caused me spiral downhill a bit. I know I am being discriminated at work and am being moved on because of bias.
On the plus side I do not worry about being weird and not fitting in anymore.
I think it seems to be quite common for late diagnosed adults to experience struggles in some areas of their lives, after diagnosis, that previously they had been 'coping' with. For my part, being diagnosed at 37 has meant I can accept who I am and begin working on my mental health issues from a solid footing, rather than stumbling around in the dark so to speak. It's not easy, but better than before, and now I have a goal.
You need to find what works for you, be kind to yourself, and give yourself some time to adjust.
It was positive for me. I learned so much about myself by researching autism, I learned how neurotypical people are different to me by reading a book called "A field guide to earthlings" written by Autistic author Ian Ford, so I could understand them better, and stopped masking & people pleasing.
NAS96243 said: Being alone used to be a relief, but it has turned into a prison.
It is all in your mind. You are the one turning it into a prison.
Before you were able to function, albeit at a cost, but function you did. Why does the diagnosis chance your ability to still do this and have the same quality of life?
The diagnosis gives you the ammunition you need to be able to learn more about nature of autism, your traits and identify better coping techniques so you can continue your life as before but with ways to make it easier, not harder.
My advice would be to get a therapist well versed in helping late diagnosed autists and work through whatever is making you feel worse - there really is no need to be in this situation when you have already proved to have the capability to live fairly normally.
Don't let yourself be a victim to your diagnosis. Use it to empower yourself and you can cope much better than before with a bit of sensible preparation instead, but only if your mind sees it this way.
That is my view - I've been able to retire early, take up a job I love (renovating apartments - I love working with my hands now), make a good income and choose what I want to engage in socially to improve my overall quality of life.
Nope. It's been all down hill for me since diagnosis, at the end of my fifties.