• Replies 8 replies
  • Subscribers 86 subscribers
  • Views 831 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Where do you turn for support?

NAS96052

Good morning 

  • Recently diagnosed in my 50's but have always known I was different.  I feel very alone with this new information. I can't even begin to describe the anguish I feel. Definitely feel like a failure and angry at everything I could have achieved had I been 'normal'. I don't think I have ever been the real me, I've always been the person people expect to see if that makes sense. Life has declined significantly over the last few weeks. Meltdowns are more frequent and severe resulting in days in bed,  my brain appears to have turned to mush, I can't perform the simplest of tasks, depression is severe. I don't know how to change to make life easier. Only advice after diagnosis was to join a support group and read about the condition. Feel very, I can't even put it into words, abandoned and isolated possibly. GP is fantastic but I feel extremely guilty taking up so much of his time. How do you get out of this huge hole and live?
  • I only have 2 teenage daughters at home and no other support from family. It's so hard.

  • I’m sorry - if it’s any comfort I don’t think your reaction is that unusual. It’s a lot to process and makes you re-evaluate so many aspects of life, our history, so many things. Give it time - you may find that you’ll work through these feelings and come to a point where it’s actually really helpful to have the diagnosis. 
    You cannot change the past - ruminating on it in this way can cause a lot of pain and sadness. What matters is NOW. How can you improve your life now - not in huge life changing ways initially- just in terms of small aspects of life that can make you feel a little happier. Everyday things like music, reading, films, going for a walk - anything that will help your well being and happiness. Be kind to yourself - stop being so hard on yourself. Be a friend to yourself rather than a harsh critic of yourself! Life is hard enough without doing that. You can get through this and find peace with it. Give it time and be gentle with yourself. There are always people here in this community to talk to - you are not alone. Your feelings are entirely normal - acknowledge that this is not easy but know that it will be ok in time. 

  • I have my therapist. I have one friend and someone who is very much almost there, we just need to meet in person (we plan to on Monday). 

    At this bootcamp I'm doing, there is a wellbeing coordinator. 

  • Be gentle with yourself.

    Take up your GP's time - do it. They are there for you. They are not diminished by your need for help. It is their job.

    I am 70 now and have come to thank my lucky stars more and more, every day for wiring my brain the way it is.

    In your brain's wiring are awesome super powers. Seek.

    Also know that to receive a diagnosis is like getting a "get out of jail free" card!

    Now you do not have to pretend or strive to normative stimulus in a normative way.

    your brain is unique and an awesome gift. Celebrate your uniqueness. "Normal" is a fantasy.

    Be honest with your children and peers. These days it is not the stigma it used to be.

    Be gentle with your self.

  • in reply to Bunny

    Thank you. One step at a time I guess. Just feel extremely out of sorts.

  • in reply to Mark

    I'm sorry. I know how it feels. Teens aren't exactly accepting even though they are both autistic. It makes for a stressful household.

  • Nowhere! I have literally noone to turn to! Frowning2

  • During the period following a diagnosis, it can be common for us - especially as late-diagnosed adults - to experience emotional dysregulation. So please don't worry, this is normal! It can include working through a phase where we experience (backward-focused) anger, frustration, grieving and more. 

    The NAS has a great set of articles focused on "after diagnosis", including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months. You might find them of interest and/or helpful:

    NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis

    NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis including:

    • Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
    • Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
    • Formal support following an autism diagnosis
    • What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

    NAS- Depression

    NAS - Meltdowns

    In terms of what to do next, my advice at this point (ie soon after your diagnosis) would be to try and give yourself some time and breathing space to process and absorb everything that you've been through, and let your feelings settle down.

    For me, as for many others here, my diagnosis turned out to be much more of the start of a new journey, rather than a conclusion full of ready-made solutions for my various difficulties.  

    Therapy is often recommended after a diagnosis. You might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful, myself included:

    The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy