Published on 12, July, 2020
I got diagnosed with autism at the age of 38 at the beginning of this year. And at 39 for ADHD a few days back. I am assuming I have been masking which is why no one has ever even considered the possibility I might be autistic / adhd in my late 30s. And if I have been masking, how do I know when I'm masking and what's real?
The best way I can think of describing it for me is, how my body feels, if I feel tight and tense in my shoulders, jaw and gut when I'm out and about talking to people, thats me masking, otherwise known as holding it together and not feeling I can be authentically me. When I'm authentically me I'm not as tense, I don't talk as much and I listen more, I do tend to gabble on about pretty much anything when I'm masking and can't hold it together. When I've been authentically me I don't worry about what I've said and what others may think of me, when I've been masking I do worry.
It maybe different for you? Maybe if others tell you how they feel, you can get some kind of gauge for when you're making and how much?