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When to tell my daughter I am autistic?

Nana1318

Hello to everyone, 

If something similar has been discussed on here previously I am sorry but I can't find anything similar. I am autistic mother of 6 years old girl. She is social, clever and happy little girl who likes to play with other children very much. 

I struggle with social aspects of parenting. I don't want her to miss out due to my disability but sometimes I just can't do things with her. She then gets upset and frustrated. 

My question is: when should I tell my daughter that I am autistic? And how? How can I explain to her that I struggle a lot with talking, meeting people and so on? Please if someone is or has been in similar situation may I ask for advice? 

I sometimes just want to tell her that I cannot do some things with her because I am autistic but I don't want her to worry about it and I don't know if it's appropriate for her to know that at her age? 

Any advice would be very much appreciated. 

  • in reply to Sharon Mod

    Oh Thank you very much. Really appreciate it. 

  • in reply to CM

    Oh thank you very much. I have just found the book on YouTube. It's brilliant I think. 

  • Hi Nana1318

    We have some information on telling people about your diagnosis here:https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/after-diagnosis/talking-about-and-disclosing-your-autism-diagnosis

    This doesn't have specific guidance for autistic parents on how to tell a child about the parent's autism. However, the section 'When and how should I talk to my child about their diagnosis?' may be helpful.

    Many thanks

    Sharon Mod

  • Yes absolutely I think it’s wise to tell her about this, the earlier you can introduce it the less it’s going to be a “groundbreaking revelation” for her. A book like “I see things differently” (I’m not too sure what the best books are, I’m sure the NAS team would have some recommendations) to introduce the concept and mention that you also have this/feel similarly. It might also be useful to point out some similarities and differences between you and how the character in the book experiences being autistic to help her understand it’s a very wide spectrum and we don’t fully know what’s happening in people’s brains.

    Introducing it as soon as possible in as normalising/relaxed way as you can will also help if she’s got classmates that are autistic (which statistically she does), reduce the risk of her building resentment towards you for not being able to do things, and if she is also autistic it could give her the tools to be able to share her own experiences (as autism is genetically linked there is a possibility) and access support earlier. 

  • I’ve been thinking about the same thing. My daughter is almost 3, so it’s much too early. I think that 6 year old child will also not understand what is autism and what it means for you and for her. Maybe better is to just start explaining the symptoms, like that you are more sensitive, you need more solitude and relax, I’m not sure if 6 year old would understand and accept it, but maybe a best thing would be consulting this issue with a psychologist? My daughter is growing up seeing me with earplugs on daily basis so I’m sure one day she will ask why do I wear them since others don’t. I think I will explain to her the symptoms first and maybe disclose the whole truth when she grows up. I think it’s also important to emphasize that you are not ill or crazy, that we love our children and always will and we are still the same as they know us their whole lives. Such information may be shocking for the offspring no matter what age. But I would say best consult it. Maybe there is some publications I will try to find I got a link on my email from the site Asperger’s test site.