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I need advice please

JustBe

Hi,

I live in a building with a communal laundry room. I struggle at the best of times because it's a small, loud, sometimes hot place, and I never know who is going to be in there. So I mask my struggles when I'm able to face going down there, and my anxiety is very high. I've only shared with a couple of people in the building that I'm autistic, but I'm still really anxious around them. 

So, sadly, a few people have passed away or moved out recently. This means that I will have 6+ new neighbours in the near future. I just don't know the best way to deal with this level of change. And with navigating meeting new people in this small space. 

I always feel like I have to make small talk or listen to the problems they share. Sometimes, I manage this, but most of the time, I want to be left alone. The strain is damaging my already fragile mental health. 

Do I get myself a badge explaining I'm autistic ? For me, wearing headphones down there would feel rude (I wish that it didn't), as I feel that they would expect me to take them off and listen to them. 

Something has to change because I can't carry on like this. Pretending everything is okay, and I'm okay  - when I'm not. 

I'd appreciate your thoughts. Please be kind x

  • in reply to JustBe

    Yeah, they call it "masking." I hate it and I can't do it. But if you got a better idea of how to deal with these*** , I'm listening.

    [content removed by Moderator due to breaches of the online community rules and guidelines]

  • in reply to Miss Understands

    Hi, I can relate to your second paragraph. 

    The first, I have been doing for years. But it's not my authentic self and it's exhausting. I feel like I'm being dishonest. And I'm often replaying in my head, what I said. I worry that I'm judged all the time and bit**hed about. Because sadly a lot of that exists in my building. 

  • in reply to Retired Teacher (NAS96182)

    Hi, thank you for your reply. 

    It's only open between 8 am and 8 pm. And I have to pay a weekly service charge, whether I use it or not. And my nearest laundrette is miles away. 

  • OK, the main thing to remember with interfacing with the normals is, you don't have to function as a normal, you just have to pass as one. For short, infrequent interactions like cashiers and laundry rooms, imagine in your mind what a confident normal person would do, and just say the words and act like you're an actor playing the role. You'll find YES IT'S EASY to look at people  and shake their hand and be confident if you're playing as a character and consider yourself an actor.

    Note that you can't use this for general conversation! We don't have the script, and we can only pre memorize short sequences. For anything requiring improvisation, I always feel like I woke up on a stage and I'm an actor and it's my line and I don't have the script and I don't even know what play it is. And there's always a disapproving, critical audience

  • Is your laundry room open 24/7? If so, why not do your laundry late at night or really early in the morning when it's less likely that anyone will be there? 

    Prior to Covid, I used to grocery shopping at WalMart at 4 AM. The super store was nearly empty at that time. Employees typically outnumbered customers because they were cleaning and stocking. Sadly, in our post-Covid world the local Walmart doesn't open until 6 AM. 

    If your laundry machines are coin operated and if you have transporation, you could try going to a laundromat. While there would still be people at this facility, the place would be larger. 

    You could also try wearing a headphone. You're assuming that people will talk to you if you're wearing a headphone but this isn't necessarily true. If they did, you could explain that you're going through a rough time and that you really don't feel like talking to anyone just now. I've found that this is a lot easier than saying that you're autistic because a lot of people don't know what autism is which means that you might have to explain it to them.