I am married to an ASD man.
I talk about my unmet emotional needs and he doesn't understand when I talk about the lack of connection.
He just talks about whether I am meeting his unmet needs which are just idealistic and not a basic need.
Can anyone help? Am I fighting a losing battle? Is an emotional connection not possible in an ND relationship?
I can tell you from personal experience that an emotional connection is very much possible with autistic people. It just might not be in the form you're expecting. Though, you make me curious when you say that his unmet needs are idealistic and not basic. Are you comfortable with elaborating on this?
I feel more connected through a deep meaningful conversation and holding hands than other forms of connection. Intimacy is sometimes difficult for me
Humour is a very big part of what makes me feel connected with someone. Inside jokes are a must. Being playfully silly. Or when something you find funny happens, and you look to that one person, and they're already looking your way because they want to know if you found it as funny as they did.
I also like taking care of someone if I'm close with them like that. I was with this woman for a little while. She would drink wine and fall asleep in her chair. I'd pick her up, carry her to her bed, and tuck her in. I'd very much like to be able to do that again in the future.
I don’t like eating out for few reasons. One thing is that food from restaurants often gives me stomach troubles, other thing is that I hate eating when there is someone in front of me and potentially looking at me eating. There is a big risk that someone sit down in front of me and then I have to turn my head to not look at them and there is a risk the person would look at me making me feel extremely uncomfortable. Other issue is noise, smells, lights etc. it’s just a big NO. Any meal only at home with the view on our backyard with trees and sound of singing birds
I love that. A tonne of top soil.
I have jewelry from my husband but I hardly ever wear it, although it’s beautiful. He can’t understand how I may not want to wear it when I have quite much of it and he does not understand sensory issues. Sometimes I wear it for him to give him this pleasure on a Sunday walk.
I love jewelry, but rarely wear it, I'd love to eat out more, but food intolerances make it difficult. I think many of my relationship issues in the past have come about because I'm not high maintainance, for some reason partners don't understand that I really do want a ton of top soil as a xmas persent and not some box of smellies that will burn my skin and give me contact dermatitis, apparently this makes me difficult.
It's funny you say about jewellery, because I never understood it. But because I am the man it meant that I never bought trinkets for a long time. I probably bought my first necklace for my wife about 10 years in. She loved it more because, while I didn't understand, I did it anyway.
Inside jokes are nice. I make my wife tea every morning and say the same silly thing every time. And we both laugh.
My husband often tells me that I’m very sweet, probably because I’m just simple, honest, caring wife and I don’t have high requirements, I don’t need much of entertainment, expensive things jewelry, restaurants etc. I don’t even like them. Just walk in a park, coffee to take away and talk or sit quiet and enjoy the beauty of this world. This is what makes me happy
My husband often tells me that I’m very sweet, probably because I’m just simple, honest, caring wife and I don’t have high requirements, I don’t need much of entertainment, expensive things jewelry, restaurants etc. I don’t even like them. Just walk in a park, coffee to take away and talk or sit quiet and enjoy the beauty of this world. This is what makes me happy
I don’t like eating out for few reasons. One thing is that food from restaurants often gives me stomach troubles, other thing is that I hate eating when there is someone in front of me and potentially looking at me eating. There is a big risk that someone sit down in front of me and then I have to turn my head to not look at them and there is a risk the person would look at me making me feel extremely uncomfortable. Other issue is noise, smells, lights etc. it’s just a big NO. Any meal only at home with the view on our backyard with trees and sound of singing birds
I love that. A tonne of top soil.
I have jewelry from my husband but I hardly ever wear it, although it’s beautiful. He can’t understand how I may not want to wear it when I have quite much of it and he does not understand sensory issues. Sometimes I wear it for him to give him this pleasure on a Sunday walk.
I love jewelry, but rarely wear it, I'd love to eat out more, but food intolerances make it difficult. I think many of my relationship issues in the past have come about because I'm not high maintainance, for some reason partners don't understand that I really do want a ton of top soil as a xmas persent and not some box of smellies that will burn my skin and give me contact dermatitis, apparently this makes me difficult.
It's funny you say about jewellery, because I never understood it. But because I am the man it meant that I never bought trinkets for a long time. I probably bought my first necklace for my wife about 10 years in. She loved it more because, while I didn't understand, I did it anyway.
