Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, things are going up and I'm happy, I own a house, starting a new job, have a dog, and thinking of rescuing another dog great. I was happy for a while my dad moved away gives me the house with no mortgage as it's all paid off never thought that a woman in her 30s on the spectrum would be so lucky. As the saying goes what goes up must come down and yeah things have come back down. The truth is i'm miserable I feel alone and I am going through a health scare right now. I am waiting to have an MRI scan of the head which I am terrified of I am having dizzy spells and am constantly losing my balance. It's like I'm drunk when I'm not. Last week in the evening my friend was over mine and I fell on the floor and I couldn't get up my legs were like jelly. My friend had to help me but my legs buckled and I couldn't stand so he had to use all of his strength to get me up and drag me to the sofa, it was horrible. Right now I feel depressed I have no energy to even walk my dog but I did walk her today as I need to be a good owner and look after my dog. Right now I feel like I have hit rock bottom and I can't get out of it I take my anti-depressants daily and I am trying to find help. I just wish my mum was still alive and my dad was still living where I'm from instead of Scotland.
What makes things worse is I’m convinced my dad and my neighbours think my friend is a woman beater. He isn’t he hasn’t hurt me like that. My friend looks after me. Tuesday after my meltdown and the police came I’m sure my neighbour things my friend attacked me and he wasn’t even there. The only time he has physically hurt me was when we were happy smacking each other on the legs for fun he hit me way to hard but deeply regretted it.
Hi Rach, sorry to hear you're going through a difficult time. As Uhane said, it might be a physical reaction to stress. I used to sometimes wake up in the night struggling for breath and with pins and needles in my hands - got checked out and there was nothing physically wrong, it was a panic attack. Of course you must get these things checked out, but try to do things that calm you and take time for yourself. Remind yourself of the good things in life, like the fact you have a good friend who helped you and a dog who keeps you company and you can have fun with.
I hope things get better soon.
Adulthood - This has many of the markings of a good ole' fashion panic attack. (I am not saying it is IS, mos def, a panic attack, just that it follows the same pattern.)
You are faced with adulthood, a new situation, with new responsibilities and a freedom you are not used to. There is a lot to learn to meet the challenge.
A house with no mortgage is a good jump start! Knowing it's "all up to you now" and not feeling prepared for it is common. It is a rite of passage.
Relax and take the first breath, then the next and then a step and then the next step.
Think only of the next thing to do and forget the list - and the pressure from others to meet what they expect of us, and what we have been taught to expect of ourselves, which can parallelize us.
Find your own, personal goals that feel good when you think of them and take a step towards them, if only in your mind, then in action when the action feels good to take, then take that first step and then the next.