Published on 12, July, 2020
Recently I'm coming to terms that I function better without friends or attachments, I have my own routines and rhythms that malfunction when things change too much too fast or when I try to change to appease people and ignore my introverted nature.
I'm not completely asocial, but I engage in the minimum contact required to keep things balanced.
I am considering telling my local activity coordinator next week that I want to stop looking for social groups and volunteering.
Yeah, I completely agree. I also function better with a minimum amount of contact, and without friends. I've seen a video a long time ago, of when people were asked "what can friends do for you?" And people would have a long list of things of what friends could do for them. Then when when they were asked "what can you do for your friends?" Everyone had blank stares. They couldn't think of one single thing they could do for their friends, because they've never had that thought before.
And in my experience, it's been that way. My friends want me to live for them, and they get angry when I don't. I just don't get it, I can entertain myself with my hobbies and interests for long stretches of time, but they constantly need me to regulate their emotions, and to dance like a monkey to entertain them and make them happy. It's odd. And everytime I go out with them expecting to have a good time, I just come home discouraged, because they put me down in front of everyone. After it kept happening, I just stopped showing up.
I don't have any offline friendships at the moment. But I do find myself missing them.
Hey . I totally hear you on this! Until I suspected I was autistic (currently on the waitlist for assessment), I'd always forced myself to be sociable and then get upset when it didn't go well. Or if I messaged other people but they didn't reply for several days (or at all), etc. Plus it drains me so quickly, after an hour or two I need to get away and spend time on my own. Which was interpreted as me being a spoilsport/rude for leaving early etc. It's just so confusing! Over the years have learnt to be content on my own and these days have very little in person contact with people any more, especially now I mostly work from home too. Some days I feel really lonely, but in a way I prefer that to the confusing/difficult social world I don't have the manual for xx
I relate to that. I've definitely been a bit too needy at times. It is hard when I only have one friend though.
I get what you say
I'm so conflicted because I am far too attached to people. Like I feel like I rely on my friends to create my happiness and when they don't respond to me it leaves me feeling miserable and unwanted. I need to find a way to focus on doing things that make me happy and creating MY OWN happiness.
Honestly I bit off more than I could chew and I end up letting others down even more than just saying no in the first place.
Maybe volunteering is a bit much because of the responsibility, but autism social groups could still be ok. Autistics are very all or nothing / black and white thinkers. But there are useful grey areas.
Don't even think about the social groups being about finding a partner or even friends, but maybe as just doing a bit of useful socialising and socialising practice, and even support.